Talks New And Long Overdue
by Achilles1011
Summary: When Bo comes home to the Clubhouse after the events of 'Let The Dark Times Roll' she and Kenzi have a conversation about what happened with Lauren, leading to Bo finally making a choice, and as a result she and Lauren have the conversations that they need to have now and should have had a long time ago.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This contains spoilers for 4x05. This was essentially written as a reaction to the promo for 4x06, so instead of having more Dybo sex, we have Bo and him talking about something that really should have been addressed a long time ago. I promise this is Doccubus.**

* * *

Bo collapsed onto the sofa, she was exhausted, it had been a long day, the party, finding out there was no way for her to get out of joining the Dark. At least not until she found out who this Rainer person was, and when she did find him he would owe her a very long explanation, a very good long one, that with any luck did not end with his head chopped off.

Bo shook her head, why was she thinking like that, why was she always thinking like that? Bo sighed. She felt the couch sink under the weight of someone else; Bo shifted her head and caught sight of the familiar black hair, Kenzi.

"What's with the long face BoBo?" Bo sighed and let her head loll back against the couch. Where did she even start, finding out that she had "joined" the Dark, despite not remembering signing the papers, finding out her grandfather was the acting Ash? No, it was Lauren. As per usual it was Lauren.

"Lauren." Bo sighed and turned her head towards Kenzi. She could see her best friend suddenly sitting up, her back much more rigid then it had been a second ago.

"Did Dyson find something? Is she alright?"

"No and Yes. Dyson didn't find her, the Dark did. The Morrigan has her and apparently Lauren likes it with her." Bo sighed and shook her head. "I don't get it. I don't get why she would chose them over me, over us, over her family. I just don't get it."

"Slow down there Wondersnatch. I think you skipped to the end of the end credits. Why don't you try rewinding and tell Aunt Kenzi the story from the beginning."

"Aunt Kenzi, really?" Bo said while she laughed, before sighing again. Where did she start? The moment the Morrigan pulled her aside to talk? The moment she saw Lauren walking across the graveyard? That beautiful black dress and how it hugged her curves… Bo sighed and threw her head back against the couch cushion. Not everything was about sex! Although at times it sure as hell seemed that way.

"You know when Tamsin drank that drink and she started to choke and you pulled her aside. Well the Morrigan came up to me and pulled me away to talk, tried to convince me that the Dark wasn't all bad, that I'm just like them. Anyways she pulled me outside to talk about Vex and then told me that she wanted to prove how good a friend she was, and then boom! There was Lauren walking across a graveyard barefoot, wearing the most spectacular dress. And Kenz… in that moment I swear everything else melted away, it was like the entire world stop existing, and it was just her and I. It was like something that had been missing had righted itself, a hollow feeling was filled. She looked like an angel. I was so glad to see her; so glad to see she was safe, everything else just faded away. I swear I could hear my heart singing."

She could see Kenzi rolling her eyes. "BoBo, I love you. I will do anything for you, but please spare me the mushy details."

Bo laughed "Sorry Kenz. Anyways when she reached me, we pretty much right away went somewhere private. I… we were meant to talk, but…"

"To quote Vex "You went for the smash up clam derby" instead didn't you." Bo smiled before nodding a little.

"Yeah, yeah we did. And it was amazing. It wasn't how it usually was…" Bo looked over at Kenzi when she heard gagging noises. Bo rolled her eyes before continuing. "Anyways the Morrigan interrupted us and then asked us to go run down Vex, Lauren came along, and we were going to talk…"

"But you go interrupted again." Bo smiled and shook her head.

"Yes, by a Scavenger dressed in a dress a shade of pink that would have made Pepto Bismal go running for the hills. She got herself 'injured'" Bo said with air quotes around the word. She heard Kenzi giggle a little. "So Lauren stayed behind with her, while I went to go pay Vex a visit, he was hiding out in Dyson's apartment as it turns out, I got drugged by something that was meant for him. Spent a few hours rambling in bed about Lauren while paralyzed, got a sock shoved into my mouth, he told me a few useful things as well as his tragic backstory and then he cut his hand off, the Una Mens did something to it"

She heard Kenzi inhale sharply, "Is Vex okay?" Bo nodded. She didn't want to say it out loud but he was somewhere he would be safe.

"I took his hand back to the Morrigan and demanded to see her archivist, someone Vex told me about. It turns out that I signed a pledge to the Dark, but I don't remember doing it, my sponsor is some guy named Rainer. If I can find him then I can find out if there is someway for me to undo this."

"We'll find him BoBo, we'll find someway to undo this." Bo sighed and smiled at Kenzi.

"Thank-you. All of that bothers me, but the worst part was the conversation I had with Lauren afterwards. I asked her if she wanted to come back here, to take a bath together to wash away the dirt and deceit, to just come home with me. She asked if I meant to the light Fae. I guess there must have been a disconnect somewhere, I though that after the sex and the necklace and everything else that we might be back together, or at least on the way. But then she drops the bomb and says that she's with the dark now. They came looking for her, put her through some kind of test." She could feel Kenzi's eyes on her.

Bo took another deep breath before continuing. "She says, that with them she feels free, that she is with them on her own terms. The Light never bothered to look for her, but the Dark offered her protection. I don't understand Kenz… I don't understand why she won't let me protect her, why she won't let me fight for her…"

She heard Kenzi take a deep breath. "You offered to claim her didn't you." Bo glanced over at Kenzi's face; there was an unreadable expression on her face.

"Of course I did. I'll do anything I need to protect her, you know that. But she doesn't want me too, I don't understand, there's something wrong here. I don't get it…"

Bo could hear Kenzi sigh, before she felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder. Bo lifted her head from where it was resting on the pillow, sitting up to face her best friend. "Bo. You used to say that nobody owned Lauren, but did you hear what you just said? You would claim her if you had too. Above all else it sounds like Lauren wants to be free; I can understand that, she was enslaved to the Light for five years. You may forget it a lot of the time but to other Fae I'm just your pet. I mean nothing, you do own me in their eyes Bo, even if it's not like that in your head, that's what it's like for them."

"This is just a guess but I don't think Lauren wants to be owned by you, I think she wants to be able to make her own choices. The Lauren your describing is different from the one we knew, it sounds like she's finally standing up for what she wants and what she needs to do. You don't know why the break was called do you?" Bo shook her head, she still didn't understand why; Lauren had never offered an explanation beyond that she was unhappy.

"This is just a crazy though, but maybe she doesn't want to have to worry about Dyson anymore, maybe she doesn't want to be last in your life. Maybe she needs some time to rediscover herself, I can't even begin to imagine what five years of slavery would do her. But it probably messed her up really badly, and on top of that she lost Nadia, and after all of that, after she has a single moment of happiness, she thought she finally got the girl. Then you did what you did with Dyson and then you chi-suck her to save him, and afterwards, the look you gave him, it didn't exactly scream platonic."

Bo began to add more then to her list. She had lied to Lauren about where she was, she had brought other people to Lauren's apartment, she had kissed other people, she had ignored her girlfriend and made her the last priority in her life when she should have been her first. She had focused on herself far too much, she had been selfish has hell. Not only had she cheated, and even if it was healing she still had some emotion connection to him, she had cheated with the worst possible person. Then there was Tamsin, whatever was going on with her in her past life.

"I was a horrible girlfriend." Bo finally said out loud, admitting it to herself and to Kenzi.

"BoBo…"

"No I was. I cheated on her, more then once, with more then one person, I'm not talking about my feedings either, I lied to her, I was a selfish bitch half of the time. Not to mention that when I went home I brought you, don't get me wrong I loved having you along, but that was something that Lauren should have been with me for. There are so many I should have… so many I could haves. I don't even know where to start."

"Not to mention the whole mess with Dyson and Tamsin. I don't even know when the love triangle turned into a quadrilateral. I mean, how did Tamsin even fall in love with me! Well the her, in her previous life cycle did." Bo looked over to see Kenzi staring at her wide-eyed.

"Lil T was in love with you! Holy shit. When… How did this happen?" Bo sighed and shook her head.

"By the time I found out the thing with Taft had already started going down. Let's just say that she was drunk, I was in the bath, and she climbed into the bathtub with me, fully clothed, and told me that I was perfect. She didn't exactly say that she loved me, but it was kinda obvious." She saw Kenzi stare at her with the same wide-eyes before she took a breath.

"Whoa, sorry. I just have a bit of a hard time putting the Tamsin we knew with Lil T. I mean they're so different. So is, was, Tamsin an option?"

Bo shook her head. "No. I mean, I think she's amazing and I admire her, but no. I never loved her, there might have been some attraction but… it's long gone. Trust me, Lil T is to much like my annoying little sister now for me to ever consider her like that…" Bo sighed and shook her head. "I don't know what to do now…"

"Bo I'm going to say something, and it may not be something you like to hear, but do you think it's maybe time to make a choice? I mean between Lauren and Dyson, both of them have their feelings for you, but at this point aren't you just stringing them along? If you keep doing this all you're going to end up with is a bunch of broken hearts. This has been going on for years Bo, I was never going to say anything, but… it's time for the Ping-Pong game to end. And if you're not ready then just walk away and take some time and figure out what you want to do, because it is starting to get ridiculous."

Bo sighed and shook her head. As much as she wanted to say the choice was hard, as much as she wanted to say she needed to take some time, she didn't need to, and it wasn't. It was Lauren, it had always been Lauren, and it would always be Lauren. She loved Dyson, she had been in love with him at one point, but overtime the feelings had faded. When he had lost his love, she'd had to let her feelings fade and go away.

When she found out that Dyson had his love back it had been from Kenzi, her had never bothered to tell her, and when he did he told her that he would wait for her and Lauren to be done. He wanted to wait until Lauren _died_. The thought alone sent a chill down her heart, she wasn't sure she would be able to survive the loose of Lauren, the loose of Kenzi.

She had been sleeping with him again, but really she had just been angry and sad about loosing Lauren. She had been worried about her. Dyson was nothing more then a convenient source to feed her hunger, and to heal from. Oh God, something was wrong with her. She never would have thought of the people who love her and whom she loves in return like this.

Bo shook her head. She needed to talk with Trick about this, she needed to talk with someone about this. Something was wrong very wrong with her.

"Bo?" She could feel Kenzi poke her in the side.

"Sorry Kenz. I just got lost in thought." Bo shook her head before laughing a little and smiling. "You know, you're right. Seeing Lauren, seeing again her today, it just confirmed what I already knew. She's it Kenzi. She's my choice, she has been for a long time.

"You know what I said to her when we got together? 'It's time' there was more I wanted to add though, that I never told her. 'I don't care what you are. I just need you to be mine.' I wanted to say that to her again today. She said that because she's human and I'm Fae… " Bo took a breath blinking back tears. It was not the time for her to be crying, she had caused this mess. It was up to her to fix it. "But I don't care. I don't care that we're of different species, I don't care that the law says we're forbidden. I just want her, I want her to be mine, I want her to be my girlfriend, my partner, and eventually my wife. I want a family with her, I want kids and the white picket fence, I want it all, but I only want it with her. After I found out I was a succubus, I thought I would have t give up on the dream, but being with her, I realized that it was possible again. I want to be the one that she turns to when she's had a bad day, I want to sit through the conferences and award ceremonies where I have no idea what they're talking about half the time, I want to be able to point to her and say she's my partner. I want to be her support, I want her to know that she's safe with me, I want to be hers just as much as I want her to be mine."

Bo took another breath. "But if she needs space and she needs time I understand. I think I need it too. I need to look back on my life and make some changes. I need to grow up a little. I need to show her that I want her, and that she's the only one I want. She needs time to heal herself, to pick herself back up I understand that, and I will give her all the time she needs. I can wait, because she is worth it." Bo allowed her head to flop back against the couch.

"BoBo… I… you… I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Kenz. I think I know the first step in all of this. Dyson and I need to have a conversation that we should have had a very, very long time ago. If I want to show Lauren that I'm committed, that I'm willing to change, to become a little better, that I'm willing to grow up. I need to start following her rule again 'No Dyson', we should have talked more about my feeding" Bo found herself murmuring as she shook her head. "I owe him this much. I owe him closure; I owe him the chance to move on with his life, to find someone that can make him happy, that can actually return his feelings without the specter of another person looming over them. And I owe Lauren the knowledge that I have chosen her, and that I am willing to commit to her with no regrets. Your right, it's time for the triangle to go to bed, it should have been broken a long time ago."

Having the conversation with Dyson probably wouldn't change anything with Lauren, but it would give both herself and Dyson some closure on their relationship, hopefully allow it to settle into a proper friendship. If not, then it would at least allow them both to move on, whether it be painful for her or not, she had made her choice, she had made it a long time ago. She also needed to step back and take some time, to look back over their relationship. Her own actions with Lauren, as well as Lauren's actions with her, see if she could find out what needed to change, what she could do to change it.

She and Lauren also needed to settle down and talk, they needed to actually talk without jumping each other. They needed to talk about the break, about Taft, about Karen. It would be a long talk, it would more then likely involve some screaming and some tears, but it needed to happen. Even if it scared the shit out of her, she couldn't run from it, she couldn't run from commitment anymore. If she wanted to show Lauren she wanted the relationship she needed to make some changes, and one of the biggest ones was she needed to be more willing to communicate with Lauren, her wants and her needs, she couldn't lie to her anymore, she couldn't spare her feelings, especially if it was something that effected them either as individuals or as a couple.

Kenzi was also right about Lauren's freedom. It was time that she started to fight for it again, it was time she started to fight for the freedom of all humans, because Kenzi was right. To other Fae she owned Kenzi, or Kenzi was just her pet. They were wrong, they were so wrong, but that was still how it was perceived. She could fight to change that; she could try her absolute best to change them.

She could start by freeing Lauren, by fighting for her true freedom. Bo's heart ached to know that Lauren had resigned herself to a cage; that she had given up hope of ever being truly free. She had once told Lauren that nobody owned her, and it was time for her to start to fight for that again. She could not give up this time, she didn't know what conditions the dark were actually holding Lauren under, but it was more then likely much more then what she had said.

Bo sighed and shook her head, no she would have to allow Lauren to free herself, she would simply be there to help and support her every step of the way, in whatever way Lauren needed her. Just like she should have been from the beginning, just like she hoped to one day be able to do again.

Her train of thought was broken when she felt her phone vibrate against her thigh. She reached into her pocket and pulled the phone out. She could feel Kenzi's eyes on her.

She glanced down at the screen, it was a text from Dyson. It simply read:

_I'm sorry I couldn't find anything. I'm coming home. _

Bo sighed before unlocking the phone and pressing the little text button to reply to it.

_Can you come over in the morning? _

A few moments after she sent the text she felt her phone vibrate again. Bo looked down and quickly read the reply.

_Do you want me to come over tonight? I can be there soon_.

Bo sighed before texting back a quick reply

_If you're sure. We need to talk. _

A moment later her phone vibrated

_I'll be there soon_.

Just how close was Dyson? Bo sat herself up on the couch a little, she would need to prepare herself for this conversation, it would be a hard one, but is was one that they should have had a long time ago.

"It was Dyson. He texted me to let me know that he couldn't find anything, not that it surprises me, I guess I forgot to tell him that Lauren was back." Bo took a breath and glanced over at Kenzi, she had a look on her face.

"He's coming back?"

"Yeah. I asked him to come over when he got back, he said he would be here soon. He must have been traveling for a little while if he was close to our place."

"Are you sure it's a good idea to do it tonight? After he's been traveling and searching for Lauren all this time? Are you sure you don't want to sleep on this?"

"I don't think he's that far away from here, he was looking along one specific highway that wasn't to far from here. And as much as I would like to, sleeping on it won't change anything, my mind was made up a long time ago."

Bo could hear Kenzi snort a little. "The other day when you found that file you're mind sure didn't seem made up, you seemed to doubt that Lauren loved you, you thought your relationship had been built on a lie."

Bo shook her head before smiling. "I found a necklace when I was going through Lauren's desk drawer, it was while I was waiting for you to come back. She had gotten me a beautiful necklace, but what struck me the most was the note." Bo sighed a little as the memory came back.

"It said 'For giving me the freedom to love. And I do. Forever.' So no, I don't doubt Lauren's feelings for me, not after something like that. Lauren wouldn't write that to be romantic, she was never one for grand gestures, but this, the note. It spoke more to me then anything else. She loves me, and I can't doubt that now, not after I saw the note, not after what was on the necklace."

Bo smiled a little. "It was a ring. A plain simple silver ring, but I think I know what it meant. The ring is an unbroken circle, it means forever, or eternity. She actually had forever carved on the inside of it. That spoke volumes more then she could have ever said to me, to reassure me. She loves me, and in some small way I gave her back some freedom. I was so stupid to offer to claim her, the note said 'For giving me the freedom.' I helped to set her free, even a little, and if I try to claim her, it would destroy that. I would destroy any chance of an equal partnership that we could form. I would destroy any chance we have at a healthy relationship, and going into it our chances are already low."

She looked over at Kenzi who seemed to have some tears in her eyes, a small grin on her face. "That's sort of beautiful, who knew that the Doc could be so romantic."

Bo smiled a little in response. She wished she could have brought the necklace with her, but after the Gargoyle attack she had left it behind, she had put the necklace and not back in their respective places and left them behind. It was meant as a gift for her and she wanted Lauren to be the one to give it to her, even if she had already seen in, it would probably mean even more if Lauren were to give it to her.

Bo could feel Kenzi reach over and squeeze her knee. "For the record, I may be team Dyson, but I'm glad you're doing what makes you happy. I see the way you and the Doc look at each other, its as if everyone else fades away and the only two people left are you guys. It's sweet and sickly at the same time. And I'm proud of you, for finally starting to realize, for finally starting to grow up a little. Anyways try to keep the volume to a min, we still have Lil T in the house and Bruce has been through a lot, they both need there rest." Bo nodded before reaching over to squeeze Kenzi's shoulder.

"You're the best friend a succubus could ask for. Thank-you for calling me on my bullshit, for finally pushing me in the direction I needed to go."

* * *

Bo sat on the couch, fidgeting slightly; she had gotten a text from Dyson a few minutes ago saying that he would be there very soon. It was soon after she and Kenzi had finished talking, she was right, he must have been close after all.

Bo sighed as she glanced down at the phone again. How was she going to do this? How was she going to break this person's heart. She knew that Dyson was willing to wait, but that's not how she wanted their relationship to function, that's not how she wanted her relationship with Lauren to go. She didn't want to get with Dyson after Lauren died, she didn't want someone pinning after her for another 40, 50, 60 years, that was insane and crazy. And she added lifespan to the many things that she and Lauren needed to talk about.

Bo shook her head before smiling slightly, the more she thought about things the more things got added to the list of 'we need to talk about this'. Her feedings, Taft, Karen, the break, and now apparently lifespan were at the top of the list. Oh don't forget about Nadia, and apparently something had happened between the time Lauren ran away and being found by the Dark. The ever-expanding list keeps getting longer and longer, well wasn't that what ever-expanding meant. Bo laughed a little at her own thoughts.

_The secret to any relationship is trust, understanding, and compromise. _She remember Lauren saying to her, Bo smiled slightly at the memory before adding,Yes and communication, lots and lots of communication. Especially given the nature of their relationship, communication definitely needed to be added to that list, perhaps it needed to be first on the list.

Dyson and Tamsin. Another two things that needed to be discussed, although hopefully the talk with Dyson would deal with most of the former, and well Tamsin… Tamsin would have to be dealt with if she fell in love with her again or got her memories back and was still in love with her. But right now Tamsin was like a little kid in a grown body, there wasn't much to worry about.

A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. Bo stood up, talking a deep breath, before she walked over to the door and opened it.

Dyson stood there with a smirk on his face. Bo could see him reaching out to her, most likely to pull her into a hug and to kiss her. Bo quickly backed out of range, as much as she would like to hug him, to tell him that she was glad he was okay, she couldn't do it right now, it could be taken the wrong way.

"Bo?" She looked over at Dyson's face, her looked confused.

"Are you hurt? Why didn't you tell me, I would have gotten here sooner? Or are you hungry?" Bo shook her head. No she wasn't. Her meal this morning and what she'd had with Lauren this afternoon, she was fine. More then fine actually.

"I'm fine Dyson." Bo broke eye contact for a moment before looking him back at him. "Do you want to come in? I meant what I said in my text. There's some stuff we need to talk about."

She could see Dyson smile at her a little before he reached out to grab her hand. She quickly pulled it out of his reach and started to walk over to the couch, she took a quick glance back and saw the frown that was marring Dyson's features. Bo took a small breath and steeled herself. This was a talk that they should have had a very, very long time ago. It needed to be done.

Bo quickly sat down on the couch before she gestured to the cushion across from her. She could feel Dyson sitting down next to her. She could feel him reaching out and attempting to pull her close, Bo quickly lifted her hand up. It was different from when she was with Lauren, normally when they sat together on a couch they would end up cuddling within a few minutes, and it felt natural, to hold and be held. Bo sighed before looking over at Dyson.

"What's going on Bo? You're acting strangely. Did something happen while I was away?"

"I'm not acting strangely Dyson, I just don't want to be held right now. I wasn't kidding when I said that we needed to talk. I saw Lauren today." She could here Dyson's quick intake of breath, she looked over at him, he looked like he was attempting to control his anger, or perhaps his possessiveness.

"Is she alright?" His voice sounded neutral, but there was a hint of genuine concern there.

"She's about as well as can be expected. She got taken by the Dark, actually that's another thing I need to tell you. I'm Dark Fae now, the Una Mens chose a side for me, apparently my blood is dark." She could see Dyson fighting the impulse to reach over and grab her hand.

"We'll find a way to undo it Bo. I'll do whatever it takes." She could see his hand reaching out for her, she gently reached out to grab it and put it back down at his side before letting it go.

"Dyson… thank-you. But that isn't the reason that I asked to to come here. We need to talk, about us." She could see Dyson starting to smile again. Her heart hurt a little at the thought that she would have to break that smile in a few moments, but it needed to be done, this needed to be done if she ever had any hope of a future with the woman she loved.

"Bo…" She cut Dyson off.

"When you gave up your love, you hurt me. You hurt me in ways that I don't think you could fully understand."

"But I have my love back now Bo. There's nothing stopping us from being together. There's no reason for you to hurt anymore. If you want we can be together again, or if you want me to wait, I can. I'll always be here Bo." She could feel him trying to take her hand in his own, she gently pulled it away.

"That's the thing Dyson. You have your love back and that's amazing and good for you. You were a huge jerk without it, but the thing is, when you lost it I had to let you go. I had to move on, we'll not move on really, it was more of having to forgive. You know that I'm in love with Lauren."

"And I said I was willing to wait."

"But that's the thing Dyson. I don't want you pinning after me for the next hundred years, its not some grand romantic gesture, its pathetic. I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy. No… I'm doing this wrong."

Bo took a deep breath. "I haven't been fair to you. I haven't been fair to Lauren. I've been playing with both your hearts, I've been bouncing back and forth between you two, when one hurts me, I run to the other. I can't keep doing that, I can't keep bouncing back and forth when I know who I want to be with and its time I show them that I want to be with them. It's time for this triangle to go to bed. "

She turned to face Dyson, she could see a look of confusion on his face. More then likely trying to figure out what she meant. "I love you, but I am _in love_ with Lauren. She's the one who makes my heart sing, she's the one who makes me feel so much more, she makes me feel human again. I don't know how or when this happened but at some point she became my _everything_."

"Lauren's human, and your Fae Bo, she can't sustain you. She'll be dead in 70 years at best. "

"You don't think I don't know that. You don't think I'm aware that every time I have to feed from someone else her heart breaks a little more, I'm well aware of that. It breaks my heart too. I wish she could be enough for me, I wish she could sustain me alone, but she can't in that one sense. In every other way she is enough, she's the light to my darkness, she's the anchor to my humanity Dyson. Her love, I wish it was enough, because it filled me with joy I can't describe when I had her heart, but I don't anymore, so instead I want to fight for her, I want to show her that we're worth it, that she's worth it, because without her, without her I become less then what I could be."

"What about the dawning, when we we're in your dawning we we're married, we were going to start a family. We lived the perfect life.

Bo took a breath and looked over at Dyson. "When we we're in the dawning it may have been you who was with me physically but do you realize that you took on Lauren's personality? You were a doctor, you were a nerd, you were so much like she was, except it was you physically. I think if you hadn't been with me that day that it would have been Lauren I was married to, who I was having a kid with. Lauren took on your personality, and the fact that she gave up her love for me. It sent a message loud and clear, it was Lauren I wanted, the real Lauren. You know that she was what I was always looking for in a life partner? Her intelligence, her kindness, her warmth, her ability to be so caring and compassionate , even her odd sense of humour. They were what I was looking for in a partner, and when her personality transferred to you, the dawning sent that message loud and clear. She is who I want, she was what I wanted in my life partner."

"Bo. She's human and you're Fae. You're relationship is illegal, at best you'll get punished severely and Lauren will be executed. Do you really want to risk that? Do you really want to be with a human? They're gone in the blink of an eye."

"She's worth the risk. I love her too much to not fight for her. As for the laws, they're outdated, they're archaic, they need to change. I swear sometimes it amazes me how backwards the Fae are, for you guys love is blind to gender and race, but not to species. That makes no sense! And Dyson let's not even get started on the fact that you kept the fact that Lauren was missing from me after we got back, and the fact that you seemed to have never mentioned to Lauren that I was missing to begin with. I don't know how she found out but it wasn't from you. You knew that we we're on break, but she's still technically my girlfriend just as much as I'm still technically hers. That means we have a right to know if the other is in danger. You shouldn't have kept the information from her Dyson, she had a right to know, more of a right then you did actually."

Bo sighed and shook her head. She wasn't sure if this was actually the case, if they were actually on break or if they really and truly had broken up. Lauren still gave no indication either way, although the fact that she was even willing to talk was a good sign. Bo sighed and shook her head. She needed to focus on the present.

"What about the fact that we've been sleeping together, what about the fact that we technically got married." Bo shook her head, her came the part where she took blame and as for the Jumbee well… Dyson had the story backwards.

"I was using you. I was angry and hurt that Lauren ran without saying good-bye. I was sad and worried about her. I need a distraction and you were there, I needed someone I could trust to feed off of and you were there. I was being selfish I was being so selfish. I was essentially using you to try and fuck my pain away about Lauren. You were little more then a food source, and for that I'm sorry."

"As for the Jumbee's story? You have no idea how much her and Nicholas mirror me and _Lauren_. A human in love with a Fae, doesn't run when they find out what she is. They stay. Did you know that Nicholas took the bullet for her that day? They both died by the same bullet. They were a tragic couple, but they were soulmates. Lauren had taken the proverbial bullet for me… she had risked her life to help me gain control; she risked her life to bring me back when I lost control over my powers when I was starting to devolve. I wasn't kidding about Lauren being my anchor, my tie to this world. Her voice, her talking to me is what allowed me to come back that day, it was what induced me to fight for control."

She could feel Dyson standing up, starting to pace in front of her. "You're saying that you don't love me. That you want the human doctor. I don't understand. I'm Fae. I can sustain you. I love you and I thought you loved me. You used me and manipulated me. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say… Bo I need some time. I need some time to think about all of this. But I have to ask, are you sure? Because if you are, if this is what you want…"

Bo sighed before nodding her head slowly, the words tumbling out of her mouth. "I want her Dyson. I want the family, I want the kids, I want the dream I thought I had to give up on. I want her to be my girlfriend, my partner, I want her to be my wife. I want to proclaim to the world that she's my love. I don't want to hide and I don't want to run. I want her and I want to fight for her. Like I said before, I loved you at one time, but not anymore. I'm in love with Lauren and we may be going through a rough patch, we may never stand a chance together again, but I sure as hell won't give up on her without a long ass struggle because she's worth it. And part of this was we both needed to close this chapter of our lives, I couldn't leave it hanging anymore. You'll always be my friend, and at one point you were my lover, but now I can finally let you go fully. I can finally make up my mind, I can finally make a choice and stand-bye it, because for once in my life I'm sure of something. I'm sure that I'm in love with Lauren Lewis, I'm sure that I love her from the depths of my heart, and I'm sure that I love her unconditionally."

She could feel Dyson's eyes on her for a moment before he stepped back and started walking through the door. "Okay Bo. Okay. I… give me some time." Bo sighed and looked away as she could hear the door opening and closing.

Bo allowed herself to fall back against the couch, she was drained and exhausted, but she felt relieved. Relief that she had told Dyson that she didn't want them anymore, relief that he was finally, finally going to give up. He would no longer be the specter hanging over her relationship with Lauren.

This may have only been the first step, this may have only been one step forward, but it was a start. It was time she fought for her love, it was time that she showed her that things could be different this time. It was time for words to become actions; it was time that she showed Lauren how much she meant to her.

No Dyson and no Tamsin would be good places to start. She would need to grow up in her actions and her words, demonstrate that she only wanted Lauren that she had chosen Lauren. Trying to get Lauren and her into the same room without interruption so that they could have that long, long talk they needed to have without interruption and without jumping each other. To support Lauren in whatever way she needed, whether that be by leaving her alone or being at her side. She would have to let Lauren dictate when they got back together, if they got back together, she was the one who had called the break, she was the one to call it off.

Bo smiled a little as she allowed herself to drift into a light slumber on the couch. She would fight for Lauren and her to have another chance and to have another day. She wouldn't give up on them without a fight, even if she had to got against the entire world to do it. When they talked the first thing she would do it tell Lauren Lewis everything she had told Kenzi and Dyson tonight.

If they ever got back together the first thing they were doing was taking a bath, and then she was not going to let Lauren go for a very, very long time. She had some growing up to do first, she had some growing pains to undergo, but it would be worth it again if she got the chance to hold Lauren again, tell her she loved her.

It would be worth it if she could be Lauren's again.


	2. Chapter 2

Bo sighed and turned over in bed curling into herself a little more. She was exhausted. She'd been up half of the night thinking about her relationship with Lauren, the talks she'd had with Kenzi and Dyson.

The only conclusion that she could come to was that she was a horribly selfish person when it came to those that she loved. She had strung Dyson along for a long time before they got "together", she hadn't been kidding when she had told Kenzi that it had always been Lauren. Since she first saw the other woman there had been some kind of attraction, when it had turned to love she wasn't completely sure.

But she did know the moment she had realized she was in love with Lauren, the night they made love for the first time. Lauren hovering over her with that necklace hanging, the look in her eyes, the fondness and the love, the tenderness. She had torn away the necklace that night and told Lauren that nobody owned her.

When had that changed? When had it come to the point where she wanted to go from setting Lauren free to being willing to claim her? Bo sighed. She could fight for Lauren freedom, attempt to be her saviour, but was that really what either of them needed? What either of them wanted?

Probably not. What she had told Kenzi last night was true, she had to let Lauren save herself. Only Lauren would know when she was free, when she had what she wanted in life, those were not her terms to dictate, they were Lauren's. The only thing she could do is exactly what she should have been doing from the beginning, helping and supporting Lauren, being there when she needed someone, an ear to listen, and a source of love and support. In those respects she had failed miserably as a girlfriend, hell she'd failed miserably as a friend.

She'd been selfish, she'd been so, so selfish. She'd lied to Lauren so many times. When had she thought to ask Lauren if anything was wrong? When had she thought to actually ask her if she was feeling good, or having a good day? Lauren had given and given, she had taken and taken without any giving in return. She had also cheated, even if Lauren had forgiven her she had cheated, and with the worst person possible. When Lauren asked for emotional monogamy she had cheated with two different people.

They needed to sit down and have a long, long talk about when things went wrong and where they went wrong. If Bo had to pinpoint a time she would have said right after she cheated with Dyson and she'd had to start feeding off of others. She should have realized it but the night Lauren showed up on their case, although welcome was odd. Jealousy or insecurity, both normal and perfectly acceptable to feel, was it over her feeding or over Dyson?

Probably some combination of both. At that point she hadn't started to neglect Lauren, but soon after when Lauren hadn't listened to her about Kenzi… they had never really talked about it. That was when communication started to break down, Lauren was afraid to broach the subject and she was too angry to talk to her. When they found out about the Dawning and the archway. She never fought for Lauren to be included in any of that; actually she had almost purposely excluded her from all of that. She had included Kenzi when she should have included Lauren, the trip home.

Bo sighed again rolling onto her back. Then there was Brazenwood. Why had she never told Lauren that she had gotten caught up on a case? Why had she never thought that it could be connected to the Dawning? Why had she strung Lauren along saying that she would have been there? Actually that entire day had rang as out of character for Lauren, she'd been getting more and more drunk?! As the day went on, obviously stressed, but also excited. It was her first taste of recognition, and her first taste of appreciation for the work that she had done. It was meant to be a big night for her, for her to celebrate her achievements and she had neglected it.

If she was going to be with Lauren then the award dinners and the conferences would both be inevitable, she wouldn't be able to get out of them. Actually she shouldn't try to get out of them, even if she didn't understand what was going on completely, even if she sort of hated going to them, she should be there to support Lauren. Bo smiled a little at the thought of being able to point to her and say that was her girlfriend, or that was her wife. A sense of pride for her lover's accomplishments even if she couldn't fully understand them she could at least make an effort to.

Science and medicine were a big part of who Lauren was and she would have to accept that. She should make at least some effort to understand and be interested in her work, actually it would probably end up helping on some of her cases.

Bo smiled a little at the memories of when Lauren would geek out over something; it was really cute and incredibly arousing for her. Bo groaned a little.

What could she do to change? Talking, being willing to talk. That would certainly be a big one for both her and Lauren. They needed to talk about everything that had happened. The more Bo thought about it the more she realized that there were something's that they should have talked about a long time ago but never did.

What happened with Nadia. They had talked about it a little but never really in depth, not about how it had affected Lauren, not about how it had affected her. The fact that she'd had to kill Nadia. Lauren was very, very good at compartmentalizing her emotions and actions, as well of those of other people, including Bo's.

Her succubus nature, they had never even touched on the lifespan issue, it had probably been to early in their relationship for it, but still, it was something that they needed to talk about, it was something that they needed to have a lengthy discussion about. At much as it even hurt to think about Lauren's mortality, it was inevitable, Lauren was human, maximum life expectancy 100 years if they were incredibly lucky. Bo? Nobody knew how long she would live, could be hundreds, or it could be thousands of years.

Her feedings. Those were another issue all together. Lauren had said she was okay with her feeding off of other people so long as she didn't know about it and that there was no Dyson. Those were very, very loose terms. She knew that her feeding off of others made Lauren sad, made her jealous, actually now that Bo thought about it, there was probably also some feelings of inadequacy. When they had talked about it Lauren had said that "As a _doctor_ I know that I'm not enough for you." She had never said how she felt about it as her partner. Of course the last time they had tried monogamy in her feedings she had ended up starving herself to the point of incredible weakness in order to stay with Lauren.

But she had also been going through the Dawning. The injections to control her appetite were no longer working, which meant she felt hungrier then she normally did, which meant she had Lauren had to have sex more, a vicious, although pleasurable, cycle.

Then she had gotten injured, internal bleeding. Why had she never told Lauren about it? Because Lauren would have insisted she feed from her in order to heal it, putting her own life in danger. So she hadn't. Bo wanted to whack herself on the head, if she had just told Lauren… no they would have just been putting off an inevitable conversation. But Dyson! How could she have been so stupid. She must really not have valued her relationship with Lauren if she was willing to sleep with him to heal, even if there had been "no feelings" on either side, there was feelings. She should have taken the ambulance that day. It would have most likely meant surgery and recovery, but it would have been the better option, at least she wouldn't have hurt Lauren. At least she wouldn't have betrayed their relationship. Or she could have told Lauren, asked what she wanted to do, at least if they'd had to have the feeding off of others talk without the Dyson incident, it might have gone slightly better.

That situation was an example of communication, and the lack of it in their relationship. Bo realized that she couldn't keep things like that from Lauren. All she ever wanted to do was protect her… but Lauren didn't need protection from things like that. Lauren had been her girlfriend but was also her doctor, she needed to know if Bo was hurting, or if she was in pain, whether it be emotionally or physically, there were things she could do about both.

Bo sighed, that was one thing she could change. She could start telling Lauren the truth, about what she needed and what she was feeling. Lauren in term of that needed to do the same, she needed to tell Bo how she was feeling and what she wanted and needed. Neither of them were mind readers; the only way that they would find out the others needs and desires was communication.

The monogamy issue… that was one that they would need to talk about. She needed to find out how Lauren felt about her feedings as her partner, not as a doctor. Tighter rules, better ideas of what they both needed in that arrangement, those would come as a result of discussions and negotiation. Emotional monogamy would be a must more then likely; there was no negotiating that one. Bo wanted it and from when they were dating Lauren more then likely wanted it too.

For now she would have to keep feeding off of others… but maybe being less obvious about it, she should maybe talk to Lauren about starting the injections again. Her appetite was better; she wasn't as hungry, as often. Bo sighed, she had more then likely just been using sex to try and forget the pain that came with her memories of Lauren, at least that was her primary reason with Dyson. Her other conquests were feeds, nothing more. For her there was a difference between the sex she used to forget and to feed from, and the lovemaking she did with Lauren. For now though she could at least follow Lauren's rule of no Dyson, as well as adding her own little twist of no Tamsin.

If Lauren wanted to try sexual monogamy again, she would try. Maybe a newer more powerful injection? Feeding without sex? She'd never tried the later, the Chi was more potent when her partner was orgasmic or close to… but it may be enough. Mmmh, she would have to ask Trick about it, she needed to find out if her grandmother had been monogamous or not.

Trick was Fae though, and a powerful one at that. If this had been anyone but Lauren it would have most likely been a question of keeping up, rather then how can I avoid getting weak and killing my partner. Bo frowned. Science and medicine would have to be used to help control her hunger then. Decrease her appetite, feed off of others still, but without sex, the most that would require is getting her face close to other people…

She and Lauren would still have to have sex though, but at least, if she could channel her hunger into stealing chi and her libido into Lauren, it might work. Maybe. This entire plan hinged on her starting the injections again, they had been for help with her control before, now they would let her live a more normal life. Bo shrugged a little.

It would be hard. She wasn't sure Lauren would like it, but she hadn't been kidding when she told Dyson that she wished Lauren was adequate for everything. This was the most likely solution to the sexual monogamy problem, and if it didn't work then something else. Her resorting to having sex with others again would more then likely have to be a last resort.

But right now that was just an idea that she had cooked up in her head. She needed to talk with Lauren about that one before it even went anywhere. Really it sort of hinged on how Lauren felt, but more then likely if it were possible Lauren would want monogamy in all senses of the word. She had been raised amongst humans, when they had first started dating they had both assumed sexual monogamy. They had applied human and well actually at times… Fae, relationship norms to their own relationship.

Bo sighed and shook her head. Her biology made everything so much more complicated then it had to be… if she had been human these would not be issues. Well she would probably have been a rather large player if she'd been human, but who knew? Nature was odd sometimes. But she was not, and there was no way for her to turn human, that was a pipe dream that she had given up on a long time ago.

Karen Beattie… that was another one they needed to talk about. She needed to hear that story from Lauren's mouth, and she actually needed to sit through the entire story, and listen to the entire story. No jumping to conclusions and no storming out angrily. She had chosen Lauren, it was time for her to show Lauren that she meant it, and listening to that story was apart of it.

She had to trust that the person Lauren had shown her was who she was, regardless of what her name used to be. The past, she should know better then anyone that while it mattered, it couldn't define who you were in the present and who you could become. She knew what it was like to carry the weight of guilt on her shoulders. She hoped to help Lauren with the burden, a little, even if it was just by listening quietly to her story. Lauren needed to sort out her feelings about her past, it was her job to fix herself and to decide if she wanted any help, if not then offer to support her decision and let her make it by herself.

Speaking of past events… Lauren had also mentioned that they needed to talk about what had happened while she was on the run. What did that mean? Bo sighed and shook her head. It could mean anything… Bo rolled her head to the side and buried it into a pillow; she couldn't jump to conclusions about that yet. Not until she heard Lauren say something.

The break… Bo thought she might have had some idea as to why it was called. The biggest change she could make there was her willingness to communicate with Lauren. She also needed to start putting Lauren first instead of last, she needed to worry about herself and Kenzi, but she also had to remember that there was another person who was in her life, who wanted to be there.

She needed to take care of Lauren as much as she needed to allow Lauren to take care of her. Towards the end it all fell to Lauren, she had never bothered to ask Lauren if she was okay, how she was feeling about everything that was happening, what she could do if something was wrong. She had just never bothered to take care of Lauren after the first little bit while Lauren was taking care of her.

Lauren didn't need a saviour, or a protector. She needed to be those things for herself, but she also needed to let other people take care of her once in a while, instead of taking care of others only. Though if her behaviour towards the end of their previous meeting was any indicator, Lauren would stand up for what she needed now, that was good, actually it was kind of hot. Devastatingly hurtful, but kind of hot.

Although for now Bo needed to back off on those issues entirely, Lauren needed time and space most likely, to find herself again. Kenzi was right about that one, there was no way to tell what five years of slavery, loosing Nadia, and being hurt by her had done to Lauren.

Right now Lauren seemed to want freedom and independence. After five years as a slave it was not hard to imagine why. Offering to claim her, assuming that she would just come back to her, that she would want to go back to the Light. That was incredibly stupid of her, but hindsight in 20-20 as the saying goes.

She needed to respect Lauren's wishes. They were both Dark, the first good thing to come out of this entire thing. But she needed to find a way to break the contract with the Dark. She also needed to remember why she was unaligned to begin with. She had refused either side, she had chosen humans. She chose the beings that raised her, whose world she preferred to reside in. She chose the "food". How could she have forgotten that? How could she forget her original reason?

She got swept up in the Fae. She had become slowly more and more removed from the human world, becoming more and more integrated with the one she had rejected. She belonged in this world, but that didn't mean she had to choose to remain in it. She had chosen to help the humans, to go with her adopted world. It was time for that to start happening again.

She couldn't turn her back on the world of the Fae, far from it. What she could do is try and to fight and change the world of the Fae. Humans were not just food, they were living breathing beings, instilled with so many wonderful qualities, so many values so different from the Fae. She had forgotten that at some point, started to believe a little bit that Fae were better, but that wasn't true. Both were good and bad in their own ways. She needed more time to think about this, but she knew that fighting for the humans, and trying to help both sides, needed to be the priority.

For now, she needed to focus on repairing her relationship with Lauren, on trying to patch the damage that had happened with Kenzi. So many things she needed to change… so many things to make right.

She and Dyson had already talked, although really it was probably only the first of a few that they would need to have. For now he needed time, and she could understand that. She needed to talk with Lauren now.

She needed to tell her what she had told Dyson and Kenzi last night, that she wanted it all. She also needed to apologize for so many things. The apologies needed to come before anything else, they needed to come before they talked, before she told Lauren that she wanted to be with her, in every sense of the word, before she tells Lauren that she has chosen her.

The talks wouldn't lead too much. They would not lead to them getting back together, as much as she wished they could. But they would open the path for a future reconciliation if Lauren wanted too, after they both sorted themselves out. It would hopefully ease some of the tension between them, and help to alley any anger that Lauren had. Hopefully if nothing else, it would offer some explanations and some closure if they couldn't reconcile their differences. But she didn't want to give up on them. She wanted Lauren; she wanted them to be together.

But she was only half of the equation, she needed to consider Lauren and what she wanted and needed. She would fight for Lauren and her to be together, but she could only help Lauren fight for her freedom if that's what she wanted. She could not protect her really, Lauren was more then capable of doing that herself, she sometimes just very, very stupidly forgot that. Although if Lauren's safety became a risk… there were no guarantees as to what she would or could do or not do to the people who threatened her. Bo would apologize for trying to protect Lauren when she didn't need it, but not when she did.

Bo sighed and sat up in bed, there was little point in pretending, she wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Bo glanced over at her clock and groaned when she saw that it was only 7:00 a.m.

When was the last time she had been up at this hour? With Lauren… she'd had to go to the labs, but Bo had been clingy that morning. It was early on, before anything had happened. They had showered together for the first time that morning, one of them pulled the curtain right off the rod, they had spent a minute bickering about who's fault it was before they burst out laughing.

That morning had ended with them in the bathtub, Bo sitting against the back of the tub with Lauren resting against her chest. It had been a rather quiet moment, but it had been a nice one, relaxing. Bo smiled a little at the memory.

There would be more mornings, afternoons, evenings like the one in her memory, she promised herself. She couldn't give up on them, Lauren needed to take care of herself right now, Lauren needed to protect herself, and Bo could understand that. But that didn't mean that she couldn't try to show Lauren that she was trying to change, and to let Lauren know that she was the choice she had made, that the love triangle had been put to rest. She needed to tell Lauren that she loved her, that she didn't care if they were human and Fae that she just wanted Lauren to be hers.

Note to self, find a better way of phrasing that. She didn't want to own Lauren in the sense of claim, she wanted Lauren to be her girlfriend. Bo sighed, to few words in English. Maybe French? Anyways, Lauren definitely hadn't seemed adverse to her, but they were a long way off repairing their relationship, but talking would be a good first step.

Bo smiled a little at herself before chuckling. When had her decision making become so fast? She was normally a slow poke at adult decisions, maybe because she had finally had the wool pulled from over her eyes and told what she needed to hear. She really needed to thank Kenzi for that. She had made a decision, one that she had actually made a long time ago, but had never really realized.

She had chosen Lauren at some point a long time ago. When? She didn't know exactly, but she had. She and Dyson should have had that conversation a very long time ago, hell he should have told he had his love back when he actually got it back, before she started dating Lauren. Not that this would have changed the outcome, but if they could have avoided having this conversation now well after they should have had it, after everything was over, some of her and Lauren's issues could have been avoided… oh.

Another thing that was her fault. Bo groaned falling back on her bed. Just how badly had she screwed this up? The answer was royally. Although Dyson really should have told her he had his love back, that was another thing entirely though and that one rested with him and Kenzi.

The Dawning and Chi-sucking Lauren to rescue Dyson… she needed to talk with Lauren about that to. She also should have talked with Lauren about what happened in the Dawning, about Dyson not being Dyson, really being her, and… well half of it didn't really make sense, or it probably would have if Dyson hadn't come along, but that wasn't important now. And the whole coming out of the chamber thing… what had happened there? Actually she needed to figure that one out herself.

She had gone Dark, she knew that much, but what happened after was a blur. The next thing she remembers was kneeling over Dyson, he was breathing and he was okay. She had Chi-sucked everyone in the room, Kenzi had told her that later. She had glanced over at Lauren… who'd had a look of devastation on her face. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Should have been kissing your girlfriend, showing affection, glad to be alive sex, something! Especially after saving your ex's life, not starting to cry into his chest. Gah! Stupid!

Never talked about that afterwards, never talked about any of it. She had never asked Lauren if she was okay, she had assumed that her actions would telegraph to Lauren okay. Feeble attempt at breakfast in bed. Lauren had been a little well… she'd been an odd mixture of clingy and distant. Brava, brava. Ignore your girlfriends out of character behaviour, everything's fine! Bo brought her hand up to her forehead. Stupid. She'd been a god-awful girlfriend.

Lauren had been trying to put her first, more then likely trying to convince herself to stay in the relationship that was slowly destroying her. She had put herself first. After she saved her ex, she went to sleep away camp as a favour to said ex! She should have been giving Lauren some serious TLC after everything that had happened, the one case she could have turned down to take care of and spend some time with her girl, show her that she was loved and wanted. Nope. Doing favours for the ex and talking about vacations without even asking Lauren where she wanted to go, or where she had been!

Grand job Bo, grand job. Fine job. Idiot!

She was more attentive before they started dating! Guess that's what happens, you get complacent and you stop fighting, stupid! Can't happen again, can't happen again. Bo sighed before sighting up, there was little point in being caught in such a self-destructive loop.

She knew what she had done wrong. There was nothing she could do about her actions in the past, only what she could do going forward. If and it was a big if, they got back together many, many things would need to change, no being complacent, Lauren comes near the top, spend time with her, without having sex, talk. Actually talk. That was the biggest one.

How to get in contact with Lauren… the last time they had talked… it hadn't seemed like Lauren really wanted to see her again. Bo sighed. Either she needed to reach out or Lauren needed to reach out. One of them needed to reach out.

If she was serious about trying to get Lauren back, about at least trying to repair their relationship to the point of friendship, then she would need to reach out. She would need to talk to Lauren. She would have to be the one to initiate the conversation this time, because Lauren had always done it before

But how… she didn't even know where Lauren lived anymore… it would be a bad idea to assume that she lived in the same quarters as before. Those belonged to the Light Fae, although given the lack of security in her building it was possible that the Morrigan snuck her in and out each day. Although you'd think they'd notice the sudden return of the human doctor… Bo sighed. Lauren's old building's security was laughable, but it well… no cameras, no guards, no… anything really. What had Lauren once said? Aah yes, budget cuts. For the building that held the most precious human slaves. Bo laughed a little, politics, she didn't think she would ever understand. But still the Morrigan would want to keep her close. She had called her a new pet… the Morrigan more then likely wanted to keep Lauren close.

Pet… Lauren had never said that she wasn't owned, just that with the Dark she was free to come and go as she pleased. Bo sighed. Lauren had said she would always belong to someone, the least she could do was choose her gilded cage. If the small sparks of defiance were the seeds of a new attitude in Lauren then she would not sit by if something happened. Lauren was more then likely being held under some kind of threat or condition. If she could get Lauren to talk… maybe she could help. The same way she did with Nadia.

Even if it meant getting her heart broken like that again? Yes. Only this time she would actively pursue Lauren unless she gave an indication that she did not want her. She had backed off with Nadia because of their history, but this time? She had no idea. That would be if Lauren asked for help, like she had with Nadia, although part of the story she didn't know. Part of it she had never been told.

Add another thing to the list… tell Lauren how Nadia got freed.

Okay… so she had no idea. She could storm the Morrigan and demand to know where Lauren was… or she could wait. Waiting. A new idea. Wait until she saw Lauren again. Wait until she saw Lauren again and then what? Pull her aside? Not an option. That was stupid. They needed time and space, a place they could talk without interruption. Well actually interruption… no wait that wouldn't stop them. Although privacy and them tended to be a recipe for lovemaking. And given their recent reunion and their propensity for jumping each other the moment they started to even vaguely do something that resembled emotional talking.

Okay… talk first jump afterwards. Maybe… okay so that was more then likely how it would end. If they followed past patterns at all then that would be how it ended, it almost always did.

* * *

"Why are you here Bo?" Lauren asked her, tone neutral, arms crossed in front of her chest. Lauren sounded neither happy nor sad. It wasn't cruel, it was just neutral. Bo sighed. How they got here was really a good question, but it was simple. She had called Lauren, asked if they could meet somewhere. It was a few days later, a few days after she had spent the morning in bed thinking about everything and anything. It had taken her a few days to muster the courage to call Lauren's old number, but at some point the phone must have been retrieved because she'd answered it.

Bo had asked if there was someplace that they could meet, someplace safe. Lauren hadn't asked questions, simply given her the address of her new quarters. It was much easier to get into this place then it was Lauren's previous one. Everyone knew that she had been declared Dark, they knew about her and Lauren. No one question why she was going to see the Morrigan's newest human pet.

"We need to talk. And I mean talk, not jump each other." Bo sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Did you really only come here to apologize? And for what? For offering to claim me? Or for the remark about family? Or are you just here to soothe a guilty conscience." Lauren sounded angry. Bo couldn't blame her. Although under the anger was a tone of sadness. Bo sighed become shaking her head. She needed to say this, she needed to say all of this. It was time to apologize for the triangle if nothing else, tell Lauren what she had told Lauren and Kenzi.

"I'm here because I need to apologize, because I'm reaching out and asking you if we can continue our talk from the other day, this time without jumping each other."

Bo could see Lauren thinking about it for a minute before sighing and gesturing to her couch. "Come in please, sit."

Bo nodded quickly before stepping fully into Lauren's quarters. She nearly did a double take, it was like déjà vu, they looked virtually identical to Lauren's other quarters with the Light Fae, only colour swapped. Instead of a light airy modern feel, full of whites and light greys. This was all dark, black leather, dark wood, dark beige walls.

She could see Lauren going to take a seat on one of the chairs opposite to her. How did they know that this place wasn't bugged? They didn't, but Bo seriously doubted that the Morrigan would be interested in their discussion.

She could see Lauren staring at her expectantly, her hands resting lightly against the arm rests. Bo took a deep breath, just say everything you told Kenzi and Dyson, say what ran through your mind. Why was it so much harder with Lauren?

A few more seconds pass before Bo opens her mouth. "I'm sorry. I know, I already apologized but I need to say it again and again. I was an awful girlfriend, I was a selfish bitch to you. I let everything fall on you. I never asked you how you were doing, I never asked how you were feeling. I never asked how any of it was affecting you. I put myself first, I put everyone first, and let you fall to last, when you should have been first." Bo allowed herself a little laugh. "I cheated on you, I lied to you. I saved the life of a man who you feared could take me away from you at any moment, by risking yours. I stopped taking care of you, I stopped showing you that I loved you. I never involved you in my life. But worst of all? I never supported you I never helped you, I never really showed you that loved you. You offered me all of that and more without ever asking for any of it back. And for that I'm so sorry."

She looked over at Lauren her expression was unreadable.

"For the other day. I can only say that I'm sorry. I used to say that nobody owned you, but at some point in my head that got turned around. I should never want to own you, you're your own person, owning you would destroy any chance we had at healthy relationship, of any kind really. I also can't protect you from everything and anything, you need to pick your own battles, you need to free yourself, you know when you're free and no one else. You need your independence, you need your space. I get that and if you ask me, I will back off. "

Bo could hear Lauren sigh. "Thank-you. Thank-you, but… Bo I'm not going to just fall back into your arms because you apologized. It doesn't work that way."

Bo sighed and shook her head sadly. "I know. I know. I just wanted to say that I was sorry. And there was one other thing I wanted to tell you. Kenzi and I had a talk the other day… and she pointed a few things out to me. One of them being that I've been using both you and Dyson. I've been bouncing back and forth between the two of you, when one of you hurts me I run to the other. She pointed out that wasn't fair to either of you. She pointed out that it has been years, that it was time I made a choice."

"Bo if you're going to say it… just get it over with." Just end it, Bo added silently in her head.

"I'm sorry for playing with your heart, I'm sorry for being so manipulative… I'm sorry… for…" Lauren cut her off.

"You chose Dyson. I get it Bo… he's Fae and I'm human. Don't drag it out, please just say it. End it so we both can move on."

Bo smiled a little, Lauren didn't know how wrong she was for once. "Dyson and I had a long talk a few nights ago, about a lot of things, but you know what I told him? You know what my talk with Kenzi made me realize? _I chose you Lauren_. I chose you a long time ago, and I needed to tell Dyson that. I needed to stop him from looming over us, I needed to end that chapter and to give us both some closure, a chance for him to move on, a chance for me to be happy."

She could feel Lauren's eyes on her. There was a slight look of disbelief in them. "I love Dyson, Lauren, but I'm in love with you. I don't know when but at some point I fell in love with you, and from that moment I was a goner."

Bo took a breath. "Lauren do you remember the conversation we had a long time ago about how I wanted kids and the white picket fence but I had to give it all up because I was a succubus? Well recently I realized that I still have that dream. I want that with you, I want the kids and the house and the picket fence, I want it with _you_."

Bo sighed, she wanted to reach out and grab Lauren's hand, but right now it wasn't the time. She took a breath before continuing. "Do you remember what I said when I asked you to be my girlfriend?"

She saw Lauren nod. "You said 'It's time.' But what does that have to do with anything Bo? I mean what you just said… it is, I don't. It doesn't change anything."

"Can I say one more thing? Before we talk, and I mean talk as in lay out all of the issues, Taft, Nadia, lifespan, feeding, Karen, the break, what happened while you were away, Dyson, Tamsin. I want to say this. When I said 'It's time' there was something that I didn't add to it, I… please don't take this the wrong way, but I wanted to say 'I don't care what you are I just need you to be mine.' That hasn't changed Lauren. I need you to be mine; I don't want you as a piece of property, I mean as my girlfriend, my partner. Someone that you can turn to when you've had a bad day, someone who will support you, just… Lauren at some point you became my _everything_. I don't know how or when, but you did."

"You know during the Dawning that I was married to Dyson? But really it wasn't him. It was you, sure he looked like Dyson but on the inside? All you. A doctor, a geeky scientist. Intelligent, smart, funny, caring, compassionate. You, it screamed you. If Dyson hadn't been with me that day, I'm pretty sure it would have been you I was married to. I was pregnant, I was having a kid with Dyson, but really I was having a kid with you. You know what else the Dawning reminded me of? That the traits I was looking for in a life partner were all in you. It showed me that _you,_ not Dyson, was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

A statement, no whisper, a simple fact. "I'm human Bo, you're Fae. We're forbidden."

" I don't care. I just need you to be mine Lauren. So what if I'm Fae and you're human. We love each other, and we want each other. I _will_ fight for this Lauren, so long as you'll let me. I don't care if I have to go against the entire world, I will because we're worth it, you're worth it."

Bo heard footsteps crossing the room, as she looked up she could see Lauren approaching, she felt hand coming to rest on either side of her face, before her lips and Lauren's were smashed together.

A moment later Bo pulled back. "Lauren?"

"Bo shut up and kiss me." Bo pulled back for a moment, pulling Lauren into a hug instead, standing up as she did so.

"Not until we talk." She could see Lauren pulling back, a confused expression on her face. She could feel Lauren pulling her in to kiss her again.

Bo turned her head and sighed. "I'm sorry Lauren. No. I cannot believe that I'm the succubus here, but no. We need to talk. This always happens. So no, not this time. Not until we talk. I don't want to leave this ambiguous Lauren. I need some clarity, not sex." She heard Lauren pull back and sigh, a small smirk on her face.

"That's the first time you turned me down. I… I don't know what happened there. The things you said… uh… got caught up again. You're right this does happen. I just…" Lauren shrugged.

"It's so easy to fall into old patterns with you. Especially when you come in here and essentially declare that you choose me. Dyson… he was always one of my biggest fears, one of my biggest issues. I always wondered if I would loose you to him, when I would loose you to him. But you choose me" Bo could see Lauren starting to tear up a little. "You actually choose me. I can't… you know I promised myself that I wouldn't do this? I wouldn't fall back into this pattern until I see change in your behaviour? Until you made a choice? But here you are, telling me that you choose me. You made a choice and it was me. I just can't…"

Bo wanted to reach out and pull Lauren close, but she wanted Lauren to be the one to initiate contact. For her to be the one to reach out first. She could hear Lauren starting to speak again. "You apologized to me. I honestly can't believe that you even admitted half of what you did. I never thought… what kind of talk did you and Kenzi have? This is, well… it's very not you. But you're right you did all of that and you're also right that we need to talk but still… Bo I don't even know how to feel or react right now. I mean… I never thought it would actually happen. I never thought that… what even brought this on?"

Bo chuckled lightly. "A good long talk with Kenzi… she called me on some of my bullshit and also pointed a few things out to me that I really needed to hear. I also realized that I was a shitty girlfriend and that I have some serious growing to do. Also spent half of the night in bed thinking about our relationship and everything that had gone wrong. And some of the speech I gave you may have been the third time I gave it, I told some of that to Dyson and Kenzi, I promised myself that I would tell you because you deserved to hear it… I never really showed you that I loved you all that well. I never really told you what I wanted out of this relationship, neither did you actually. But that's what I want with you, marriage, kids, house, the whole shebang."

Bo felt herself reaching out automatically to pull Lauren to her. She quickly withdrew her arms only to feel a pair come to wrap around her waist moments later. Bo sighed before she started speaking again. "I kept turning our relationship over and over in my head, I tried to figure out what went wrong, when it went wrong. As I was doing that I realized something… we suck at communicating. I hide things from you, lie to you about my wants and needs, about how I'm feeling and what's going on. It's out of some misguided need to protect you. You're a human living in the world of the Fae, I hardly think you need protection, and if our relationship is going to work we need to talk, a lot. Maybe more then a normal couple.

Out of habit Bo leaned over to press a kiss to Lauren's cheek. "And you Dr. Lewis… you suck at talking about yourself and your needs, although that doesn't seem to be as much of a problem anymore. But Lauren… I need you to let me in. I need to know your thoughts, feelings and emotions. I need you, not the doctor you, but the you who was my girlfriend, my partner. Do you realize that I have no idea how you feel about my feeding outside of you? I know how you feel as a doctor, but I have no idea how you feel as my partner. I can guess, but I have no idea how you actually feel."

"I also have an idea as to why you called the break, but again. I have no actual clue. Although that one was my fault more then anything else…" Bo sighed.

She could feel Lauren breaking the embrace. "If we're going to have this conversation, well these conversations, I'm going to get us some wine. I get the feeling we'll both need it."

This was the first step. The first hurdle, they were not closer to being together again, and they wouldn't be for a long time, but hopefully with time and communication they would be able to try and take those steps forward together.

Bo sighed and settle onto the couch. This was the easy part, the next part would be emotionally draining conversations about everything that had gone wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

She watched as Lauren walked back into the room, carrying two glasses of red wine. She watched as Lauren set one glass down in front of her on the coffee table and sat the other one down nearby. She saw as Lauren sit down next to her on the couch. Bo glanced over at Lauren an eyebrow raised. Well, at least it wasn't the chair across from her this time, although that certainly would have made this conversation easier.

"Bo… I, about you brought up earlier." She heard Lauren sigh. "Being a doctor I know that I'm not enough for you." She saw a frown cross Lauren face, her eyes starting to glaze over with tears. "You asked how I felt as your partner when you had to go to someone else to feed. I can't even begin to describe…. " She heard Lauren take a breath, her voice starting to crack a little. "Jealousy, anger. Although who I'm angry at I don't know. Am I angry at myself because I can't provide for one of your most basic needs like I should be able to? Am I angry at you because you have to feed outside our relationship? Or am I angry with the world because this world made you a succubus, which means that you can never be only mine, like you should be?"

Bo wished in that moment that she could reach out and hold Lauren, but right now she didn't have the means or the right. If Lauren wanted contact she had to be the one to initiate it. She wished that they had talked about this a long time ago, so the feelings hadn't built up, she wished that Lauren could be enough for all of her needs, that she could feed solely from her and be happy and thrive, but she couldn't. She couldn't because Lauren was human… but she meant so much more. Bo shook her head a little to clear her thoughts, right now they needed to talk.

"I don't know Bo. You were hurt and you needed to heal. I need you to be healthy and safe. So how I feel, how I felt. It had to become irrelevant, secondary to your needs. You needed to feed to stay healthy, and with the Dawning and the injections not working… there was no alternative. You needed to be healthy, you needed to be at your best. Using only me, I would never be enough. I never can be enough. I hate that I have to share you. I hate that others see you in the most intimate ways… they see things that only I should see, only I should have the privilege of seeing. I love you, and every time you came back. I felt like I had to touch you… to make you mine again. I kept telling myself that I should not feel that way, I should not feel so possessive. I knew what you were from the beginning yet I ignored it, we never had a conversation about what would happen if you were seriously injured and needed to heal."

Bo could hear Lauren take a deep shuddering breath. "In the beginning you came back battered and bruised, but those were things I could help with… I was enough for that. It felt good, to be able to provide for your needs, even the ones that were related to your Fae nature. I felt like I was enough. Do you know how happy the fact that you wanted to be monogamous made me? The fact that you only wanted me?" She heard a tearful laugh from Lauren. "But then you had an accident and started to bleed internally and you… I think what hurt more then the fact that you slept with Dyson was that you lied and said you were okay. You didn't trust me… you didn't trust me as your doctor to help you… but more importantly you didn't trust me as your partner. Healing you? That comes with the territory and being a succubus' partner. I knew that when we started dating. If you had told me I could have done something… but you didn't. Instead you sleep with Dyson!"

Bo sighed and gently brought her hand up to play with a few strands of Lauren's hair, only to stop herself a few moments later. She felt Lauren turn her head towards her burying her head in Bo's shoulder. A pathetic sob escaped from someone, she honestly couldn't tell. Bo brought a hand up and ran it through Lauren's hair for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to keep the tears out of her voice, despite the fact she could feel the wet trails running down her cheeks.

"I can't even begin to apologize for that. I can't even begin to apologize for sleeping with Dyson to heal instead of taking the ambulance he offered. I can't even begin with I wish I had told you, because it's pointless now. I wish I wasn't so naïve about relationships. I wish that I had realized sooner that I don't need to protect you. I wish I had taken the ambulance that day… but I… for some reason I didn't. And for that I am so sorry. I am so sorry for breaking your heart that day. I'm sorry that I made you feel this way, I'm sorry I didn't ask you about how you felt about my feedings sooner. That was stupid and neglectful of me, I should have asked you. I shouldn't have assumed you were okay with it! You said that as my doctor you knew that you would never be enough, but until now, until now I had no idea how you felt as my partner. Oh God Lauren, how did you keep that inside?"

"I didn't want you to see yourself as a monster. I didn't want to unload another burden on you when we found out about the Dawning so soon afterwards. When I tried to be supportive… I don't even know why. I didn't want you to think that you were inadequate… but…"

"I started to ignore and neglect you pretty soon as I started to feed off of others. I became less and less like a girlfriend, and then as other things started to pile on you went from first priority to last, I focused on myself more then I should have, ignored you instead of paying attention to you and attempting to be there for you. It was tough for you as well going through everything and being kept out of the loop certainty didn't help."

"In return I pulled away and buried myself in work, trying to come up with something that could help you, that could help slow down the effects of the Dawning. You know I was originally trying to modify your formula? See if I could do something to curb your appetite so that you wouldn't have to feed off of others as much… It was selfish, and still is, but I want to be the one you turn to. I don't want you to be feeding off of strangers."

Bo took a small breath trying to compose herself. They were talking about one thing and they were already both sobbing messes. But tears were better then anger, and anger was better then feeling nothing. It at least meant that they were both invested in this. God why couldn't they have had this conversation at the start? Because it would have required her approaching Lauren about it because old Lauren would never have said anything. But she had been so caught up in her own shit that she had ignored Lauren. Another tick in the shitty girlfriend box.

"Lauren… did you make any progress with that formula? The changes to the one that I used to get? Not the one to stop my cells from degrading, but to help with my appetite?"

"I was making some progress but… once we found out your cells were degrading I focused on that. Why? Bo are you having control issues again?" Lauren asked as she lifted her head from where it had been resting on her shoulder.

Bo sighed and allowed her head to fall back onto the couch. This was an insane idea… but right now it was the only solution that she could come up with. "No my control's fine. Actually after the Dawning it got much better… so has my appetite actually. I'm less hungry now, less frequently then I was before, even with the injections. I still need to feed, particularly if I need a power boost, but my actual need for sex has gone down." For now I'm using it as a distraction and a channel for my anger. That needed to stop; talking and doing constructive things were better channels then sex. Bo sighed, even if for the most part sex involved few intimacies when she fed she could understand where Lauren was coming from.

The idea of sharing Lauren, it hurt, it stung. The idea of someone else seeing her like that… it made her angry. But was it really okay for her to think that way when she'd essentially had a free pass to sleep with anyone? No… it was a hypocritical double standard. Bo heard a small sigh from next to her. She glanced over at Lauren's tear stained face, sure that her own must match. Bo gave her a slightly watery smile.

"I thought of an idea that may solve the sexual monogamy issue. What you just said… if we were to go back into a relationship where I was not monogamous? It sounds like it would... I… can't even begin to think of what you went through, all those thoughts and feelings bottled up and pushed down." Bo sighed. "I thought that maybe because my appetite was better and my Dawning was over that I may be able to start the shoots to curb my appetite again. But this time it wouldn't be to help my control, it would be so I wouldn't have to feed as much or as frequently. I would still need to feed, but I can feed without sex. The Chi is less potent, but it's still enough to satisfy me most of the time. We would need to have sex on a regular basis, but if I can channel my libido into you… it should work. I just have to be more careful about how I fight, maybe actually get some proper training."

She saw Lauren blink, staring at her. There was an expression on her face that Bo couldn't quite place. Finally she heard Lauren sigh. "I don't… Bo… what your proposing is insane. It could pose a severe risk to your health, it could… I don't even know where to begin. But on some aspects, that may be right. I told you that I had to be okay with you feeding off of others for a reason. I know I will never be enough to sustain you. I also said that I never wanted to know about your feedings. But I think I was trying to convince myself to be okay with it as much as you needed to be okay with it. And the fact is, that despite everything, despite knowing what you are. I'm not okay with you feeding off of others. I cannot control my emotional reactions and despite there being a huge gap between what I think and what I feel. The pains are not worth it in some ways. So let's say we try your plan… let's say it works. What then? What happens when you get to injured for just me? What happens when you start getting severely injured, and you need to have sex to heal? What then?"

Bo sighed. She hadn't gotten that far in her head. She had been thinking of regular feeds, when she got hungry, not when she was so injured she needed to have sex to heal. "Ambulance, Chi-suck others enough to heal myself so that I'm not going to bleed out and die, something along those lines. The rest heals normally, cuts and bruises fade. I still heal faster then most humans." Bo sighed. "But if I do need to heal then we talk about it, I have to come to you and I have to trust you." She smiled a little. "But I also have to try and be more careful in general. I don't think twice about getting injured because I can heal, but if I keep thinking like that, it could actually be what ends of killing me. I know I'm reckless and I don't think before I act, I don't think that will ever change really, but what I can do is try and be more aware of the world around me. Some of the injuries I get can be prevented. "

Bo shook her head a little before reaching out to play with a strand of Lauren's hair, once again stopping herself, Bo sighed a little internally, some habits were hard to break. "And we talk, and we talk some more about my healing and how you want it to work. You know more about it then I do in all honesty. We also talk about my feedings, and we talk about what works for us and what doesn't. But Lauren? I really want to try and be monogamous before we consider feeding outside of the relationship. I don't want it to be what breaks us apart. I don't want you to feel like that again, it sounds awful." It was completely her fault to, she had never asked Lauren how she had felt about the feedings, just like she had never asked about anything else.

She felt a hand come to rest on her check, directing her gaze from where it had slipped into her lap to Lauren face. There was a small smile on it. That made Bo beam a little. "A succubus who wants to be monogamous. Who would have thought the day had come." She saw Lauren smile a little more. "I think… I'm okay with the idea, as long as we monitor your health very, very closely. I can't take sharing you, and really this is the only idea that I could see working. You still have to feed off of others, and I still don't like the idea, it still makes me feel inadequate. But at least I know that you're willing to try. At least I know that I'm the one your really want. But your right, this time we communicate, you tell me if your getting weak, you tell me if your seriously injured. There's no negotiating that Bo. If I find out you're not telling me when your hurt, or when your seriously injured. I will get mad, and I will not forgive you. And if so help me you sleep with Dyson again… the consequences will not be pretty."

Bo sighed a little. Sleeping with Dyson. That would have to be the segue to the next conversation. Dyson. A thorny topic, although hopefully one that was gone from Lauren's mind. But she also had to tell Lauren that she had slept with him again. She would have to… if she didn't and it got out later that she did, it would not end well. And really there was no point in lying to Lauren about it, she did not want them getting back together on dishonesty, even if it was a lie by omission. Bo sighed, honesty and communication. Two secrets to making their relationship work. Honesty, another one that needed to be added to the list, second under communication. She needed to tell Lauren. Even if she got mad, at least they had made a little progress today.

"Speaking of Dyson. Oh god this is going to be a terrible segue. I have to tell you something Lauren… I slept with Dyson again, quite a few times actually." Bo looked over and saw Lauren tense. "I was hurt that you never said good-bye. I was angry and sad that we hadn't heard from you, I was worried. But most of all I missed you. I tried to distract myself with sex, I've slept with so many people, more then usual, in an attempt to try and feel, something. But Dyson was the worst, that was part of the conversation we had last night. I had to apologize for using him to try and forget."

"So you used Dyson, huh? You slept with him again?" Lauren's tone was angry. Bo couldn't blame her.

"Yes. Yes I did. And I'm so sorry. I don't know why I keep doing it; I don't know why I keep defaulting to Dyson. Oh god I am so sorry Lauren. It's over now. I meant it when I said I chose you. I really truly meant it." This would have come out eventually, better now, then she finds out later. Bo sighed a little. She looked over at Lauren, who seemed to have a mixture… Bo recognized the look. It was from when she told Lauren she had slept with Dyson to heal. That mixture of sadness and anger. Bo sighed, she wished there had been a better lead in… a better way to describe it, but there wasn't. And there was no point in hiding it, she needed to be truthful and communicate with Lauren. Even if it hurt both of them to bring up.

She eventually heard Lauren sigh. "I don't know what to think anymore Bo… you and Dyson. Every time you seem to choose me, you always bounce back to him. I know that you said this time, you finally made a choice, and you chose me. You have no idea how happy that makes me. How relieved I am that you finally made one. But you slept with him again Bo…" There was a pause as Lauren seemed to gather her thoughts. "I can't be mad at you, we're on break."

Break! Break! They were… so there was a chance after all. They weren't broken up! No, they were on break for a reason. Her stupidity, her selfishness, all the mistakes and miscommunications. So many things that went wrong… Bo sighed. This was the first step in a long process. A long, long process. Get everything out, communicate and talk. For now, let Lauren vent. God knows how much she kept inside about you and Dyson. Stupid… stupid. Why didn't you just make the choice when you actually made it! Argh.

"But still… I'm angry that of all people you slept with him again. For years he was someone I had to compete with, someone I was afraid to lose you to. And then, you tell me that 'It's time'. Do you know how hard I found it to believe that you were actually asking me to be in a relationship? That you had chosen me? The human doctor? Do you know how happy I was that day? Do you know what ran through my head that day? 'Is this real? Is this really real? I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. I got the girl. I, Lauren Lewis, finally got the girl.'" She heard a tearful laugh. Tears, again. Oh please no. I am such a stupid, selfish person. Bo felt eyes starting to cloud over again, why was it when one of them started crying so did the other?

"And for a little while? I had the girl. You were my girl. As juvenile as it sounds that how I thought of you. My girl, my girlfriend, my partner. Do you know how good it felt to call you that? It was amazing, and hard at times, but still. Those were some of the happiest times I've had in years, and my happiest time in servitude to the Fae. It wasn't perfect, but what is? You were mine and I was yours. I suddenly felt free again. Something I hadn't felt in years, I felt free. It wasn't true freedom, but in that gilded cage, I finally had something that I had chosen, something that I had some control over. And to have that control back? That was the amazing feeling." She could see a smile on Lauren's face, a genuine happy smile as she recalled the memories. How? How could she have been so stupid? Lauren had been more relaxed and more carefree in the early part of their relationship then she had ever seen her. How could she have been so stupid! She lost this. She had never known this.

But it was close to how she felt. Finally having Lauren? Finally having her heart? Being able to hold it without competition, without worry? It had been one of the most amazing feelings. But the heart she had been trusted with hadn't been treated well, it was a little broken, a little damaged, but still beating, still full of life. It was amazing, and it had felt so right. Then she had slowly started to break that heart, to pull away tiny pieces of it. Instead of helping it heal, and helping it's owner heal. She had broken it, unintentionally, but still broken it. Thoughtless actions, ignorance, and ignoring, little things she had forgotten to do. How's your day? How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you want to go out on a date? Can we take a bath together? Little things she had forgotten to do. Things that didn't revolve around sex, just intimacy and talking. A date night, quiet moments, taking the time to ask Lauren how she was doing, if she was okay. Communication, communication. Always their problem, communication was always their problem.

The bigger things she had already acknowledged. The lying, the cheating, the hurting. But those little actions that could of made a big difference, she'd never even thought of them. And then all of the shit with Dyson. That was her fault, for not setting him right. For allowing the triangle to drag long past it's expiration date. For never telling both of the people who loved her, whom she loved in return, the person she chose, when she chose her. Allowing Dyson a chance to move on, and her and Lauren a chance to be happy without the specter of Dyson looming over their relationship.

"And then you slept with Dyson. You broke my heart that night Bo. You honestly broke my heart that night, but it wasn't until later that I realized that you had lied about the internal bleeding, the reason you and I made love on my lounge chair was to heal… but you never told me. When you winced as you were getting dressed, I asked if you were okay. You lied and said yes. I didn't pursue it because I thought if you were hurt you would come to me. You would tell me and let me help you. But you didn't, instead you sleep with Dyson."

"After that, I started to pull away from you. I was already being told by everyone that I was only a temporary girlfriend. But I ignored them because I thought you had chosen me. But when you slept with him I started to doubt it. Where you using me because he didn't have his love back? When I found out you two were working the case involving the under Fae? There was a reason I showed up at that party. I was jealous and afraid of losing you to Dyson. When you told me Dyson would be at that party… I got jealous and worried." She heard another tearful laugh from Lauren. "I wondered why you didn't ask me to come along… especially if you needed a date? I was worried that you were starting to lose interest because you had been reminded what he was like, what he could be like when he had his love back."

She looked over at Lauren, her eyes were glassy with tears. She could see Lauren taking a breath, a quick grimace crossing her face. "I knew, but I was in denial. I was afraid that if you found out, you would go running back to him. I always seemed like the second choice. After the first time I slept with you… spy-banged you, after I broke your heart, you went running to him. I wish… I still wish to this day that the night had ended differently. But I don't regret what I did, and I would do it again if it meant keeping you safe, if it meant protecting you. We got together when you thought Dyson didn't have his love anymore, so I thought that when you found out you would go running back to him, and break my heart in the process."

A sad teary smile crossed Lauren's face. "But you never did. You stayed, and it wasn't out of pity, you loved me and you wanted me. And I was happy. But then the Kitsune fiasco, and I should have listened to you…" She could hear Lauren take a shudder breath. Her voice starting to crack.

"But I didn't because what was happening to you… it reminded me far to much of what happened with Nadia. And to free Nadia, you had to kill her. I couldn't… I wouldn't 've had the strength to end it Bo. I was so afraid that I was losing you to some insanity, to some possession. That I didn't believe you; instead I chose to take a sample of your hair. By doing that, instead of letting you talk? I pushed you further away. And we never really talked about it afterwards. Instead I found myself wondering if you were going to break up with me… but you never did. I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall… but it never did."

"When we found out about the Dawning? I was so glad that you were okay. I was so happy that it was something that could actually be overcome. I wasn't going to lose you. I wanted to do everything that I could to make sure you survived and that you passed. I was hoping that you would actually let me in, let me be your support. But you didn't you took Kenzi to meet your mother… I can't blame you for that one, you needed time with her after the Kitsune incident. You needed time… but still I wish you had invited me along. I would have loved to see where you grew up, to see a part of your past. But instead, I stayed behind and waited. That became a running theme over the next weeks. I sat at home waiting, I felt like the wife waiting for her husband to come home. Well… my wife in that analogy. Anyways. You never let me in on the process, you never really told me what was going on, you never told me why. This was also when you started to ignore me and well… neglect me. I hate that, it sounds so clingy, so weak."

Lauren sighed. "And then I got the paper inviting me to the awards. The first person I wanted to tell was you, because I know that you don't always understand what I do, but you supported me regardless, or at least that was what I thought. I got so excited that day… I had forgotten what any possible recognition felt like; when you're a human in the Fae world you quickly stop hopping to get anything beyond a sneer. So I went to the Dahl, and I was so relieved when I found out you could come with me. I was so excited to finally have a date with you. I thought it might be time for us to reconnect a little, for us to finally have a proper date. I was so excited about the recognition and the award. I honestly forgot that I had even published that paper… it was so long ago. Before the Fae, before everything. I don't publish anymore, not that I could publish anything anyways."

Another sigh and another shake of her head. "And then something happened. You went somewhere with Tamsin of all people. When I called asking where you were, you lied to me! You never told me you had gotten caught in a case… you strung me along, let me get my hopes up. Although… that was a weird afternoon, now that I think about it. The award was out of nowhere; I published that paper years ago. I also got drunk that afternoon… I had one glass of champagne and then another as each time I called you, you lied to me, not telling me the truth, no telling me where you were. You sounded drunk at one point, and then could barely speak at another. It was like… Bo what was going on that afternoon?"

Bo sighed. "That would be my Dawning invitation. The invitation I had to enter the temple. It somehow started and then Tamsin got involved, she refused to leave. Actually that entire afternoon was weird. I felt like I was possessed half the time, at times my actions were not my own. Sometimes I lost my powers, other times I got drunk or I couldn't talk properly because my tongue was numb. It was like someone was playing a game with me. Which as it turns out actually was the case; Trick was playing with the machine that was my invitation. I don't get it… what happened that day. I know I lied to you, and for that I'm so sorry. I don't know why it never crossed my mind to tell you I had gotten caught up in a case, but I lied and neglected you, putting you last."

She saw a frown cross Lauren's face. "Still I don't get why you didn't tell me you were caught up in a case. I don't understand that. But I think the worst part of it was that Tamsin told me later that you kissed her that day. You initiated a kiss and it wasn't for feeding purposes, it was an actual kiss. I got so mad and I slapped her. But I knew that it was most likely true. Really between that and what actually happened after your Dawning… I was fed up, I was tired of being the last priority. I was tired of being ignored and left out of the loop by my own girlfriend. I was unhappy, you were pushing me away, ignoring me, we never really talked. We were never intimate. I was unhappy. Maintaining the relationship fell to me and only me, instead of being a two person effort, it was only me."

Lauren sighed again. "What happened after the Dawning. I think that was one of the worst moments for me. When you came out of the temple… I was more then likely going to have kissed you, and probably done a whole lot more with you. But instead you come out crying over Dyson's body, you come out crying and he was dying. I knew you weren't going to let him die. But you Chi-sucked everyone to save him, including me. One of the few times you feed from me and it was to save Dyson! I can understand why you did it, you won't let any of your friends die. But afterwards, after you gave me a smile, but it wasn't only one of relief. It was one of love to, and it wasn't directed towards me. It was directed towards him. I knew he had told you, I knew that you still loved him. And I thought you had chosen him again. We never talked about that day."

Bo looked over at Lauren, there were tear tracks on her cheeks, her eyes welling up again. Bo took a deep breath. She needed to let Lauren finish this, and to talk about Dyson some more.

"And then after that. I knew that you were still with me because you never ended it. I couldn't figure out why. You were pulling away and I wasn't sure what to do. I felt the need to cling, but I also wanted to be distant. It was becoming clearer and clearer to me that it was not working. I wasn't happy and I was starting to lose sight of who I was. Our relationship had become a burden, something that I never wanted it to be. I was so tired… so tired of all the Fae and all the bullshit. I just needed to get away; I just wanted to get away. But Bo… after all of that I also needed my girlfriend. We needed time to reconnect and to talk about everything that had happened. "

"After all of that, after I found out Tamsin kissed you. I got beaten up. I was so miserable, so unhappy at that point. I needed you and you weren't there. You had gone behind my back, you kissed someone, and you were the one to initiate it. You had cheated, again. You ignored me and never even offered a line of communication. So I pulled away to avoid being hurt. I kept trying to keep our relationship going, but when it's a one-way street, it's hard. I felt like I was the least important person in your life, and I know that you love Kenzi, she's your best friend and your sister, even if not in blood." She heard Lauren sigh and shake her head again. "

That's fine and I can understand that relationship, I used to have a best friend like that. But still, I was less important then your ex, my rival and one of my worst fears. The person who could swoop in and take you away at any moment because he's Fae, he's enough. I'm only human, I'll never be enough I can understand why you'd chose him. I was less important then someone you had only recently met! I was your girlfriend, Bo. I thought you had committed to me, but you hadn't. I was a placeholder until someone else came along."

That was the moment that Lauren started to cry silently, tears running down her face. Bo could feel her own cheeks become wet. How much pain she had caused, how stupid she had been. "I was being used, I was in pain and I was unhappy. I had to end it, but I couldn't. So instead I asked for a break, so that we could both take some time and sort ourselves out. I had hoped, secretly hoped that you would fight for me, that you would realize what was wrong and maybe approach me and ask to talk, or at least come and seek some closure."

"Lauren…" Bo paused and held open her arms, for a moment she wasn't sure what would happen. But a second later she felt a pressure on her lap and arms wrapping around her neck. Bo sighed and buried her face in Lauren's hair. It felt so good to have her back in her arms, it felt so nice and so right. But she couldn't really read anything into this, it was more then likely just a human comfort, both of them in need of some contact.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry I ignored you and I lied to you. I know I cheated on you, and with both Dyson and Tamsin, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I never told you how much I loved you, how much I wanted you in my life, how much I need you in my life. I am so sorry that you had to feel this way, that all of these emotions piled up, that it got to the point where you started to doubt that I chose you and that I love you. I am in love with you. I meant what I said earlier, I want it all with you, I want everything, and I only want it with you. The Dawning showed me that, and the talks that I've had with both Kenzi and Dyson had reinforced that. I will always pick you, I will always love you."

"When I came out of the Dawning. I lost control, I blacked out, I don't remember what I did, it wasn't until later that Kenzi told me you both had been Chi-sucked to save Dyson. I am so sorry I did that, and when I regained control after all of that happened. I should have gone over and kissed you, shown you some kind of affection, shown you that you were wanted and appreciated, but instead I cry into Dyson's chest, glad he's alive. And the worst part was I stayed there, and I went with him afterwards." Bo gently reached out and grabbed on of Lauren's hands intertwining their fingers.

"We should have talked afterwards, but instead I had naively hoped that you would understand that I was just doing it to save him. That I just wanted him to live, but it didn't and I never explained my actions. So you start to doubt my feelings for you, and you realize that I lied to you and that I cheated on you, and all of the other actions and stressors that we never talked about. That's my fault, because I never thought to communicate with you. I never thought to ask you what happened afterwards and how you felt about it. It was always me, me, me. I became so selfish and so self-centred. I barely spared you a thought."

She could feel a sob rising up in her throat, she attempted to choke it back. She needed to get this out. Then they could both cry, they could both cry for as long as they needed to. After all of that, after they calmed down a little they could talk about Lauren's past, and what happened while she was away, and what went down with Taft. Although the reasons she ran away with Taft were fairly obvious after this conversation, she was desperate to escape, needed her freedom, needed someone who appreciated her accomplishments, who would honour her. Things she was supposed to do and never did. Finish this off for now, Bo.

"Afterwards, when Dyson asked me to go to the camp for juvenile delinquents. I should have turned him down. I should have taken he opportunity to show you that I love you and to take care of you, because for so long you had been taking care of me. But I didn't, I never asked you how you were feeling, or what was going on. I should have known something was wrong." Bo sighed and ran a hand through Lauren's hair. She couldn't see Lauren's face, it was hidden in her neck, but she could feel that she was still crying.

"You were acting distant, but clingy at the same time. It was odd, I felt like you weren't there emotionally when you were physically, but you were always reluctant to let me go. You wanted to talk, but you never brought it up. I never thought to ask. It was stupid, thoughtless, and careless and a fatal mistake. God. I also never asked you where you wanted to go on vacation, where you had been and where you hadn't. I never thought that you couldn't take the time off, because I somehow forgot you were still enslaved. I'm a stupid, neglectful, selfish, awful girlfriend. And for that I cannot apologize enough. When you called the break, it devastated me. I felt amazing, and much better after the Dawning, calmer. But I had ignored how you could be feeling, when I saw you being beaten up by that kid. My first thought was to kill him for hurting you. Dyson had to stop me. I was so relieve that you were safe. At that point, I just wanted to hold you and never let you go, keep you in my arms where I knew you would be safe."

Bo smiled a little, shaking her head slightly. "But it was to late. Too much damage had been done. To much hurt, to much pain. You were hurting and I never even realized. I was so stupid. That night, I just wanted to take care of you. You looked so sad and so vulnerable, but then you asked me to stop. You said you weren't happy and that you were losing yourself. You needed a break. So I got up, and walked away. I never really wondered what had happened, but I knew I'd lost you, maybe forever maybe not. I regret so much Lauren, I regret so many things I didn't do when I could have, so many missed opportunities. I should have been there for so many things when I was not."

Bo leaned her cheek against Lauren's head. The tears starting to fall. "You're a human in the Fae world, your support system is limited, and the people who know you and appreciate you, and respect you are limited. With Nadia gone, your last tie to your past was severed. But despite it all, you felt safe with me. After that after Nadia. You should have been able to fall back on Kenzi and Trick, Hale, me. Your friends and your family. I know that you and Kenzi are my primary support structure, and in return I'm it for you, and so is Kenzi, even if she won' say it, and acts like she hates you most of the time." There was a small laugh from her shoulder. "But I didn't seem to realize that at the time. I didn't seem to realize that you needed support just as much as I did. That sometimes you need help, I sometimes forgot that you're not always the strong human doctor. You have you're weak moments when you need someone, and when I never offered to be there, never gave you the option of having someone else to rely on."

Bo sighed and turned her head to press a kiss to Lauren's hair. "You've been enslaved for five years, and because of that as Kenzi pointed out to me, you probably are just now relearning how to put yourself first, and to put others second. I'm sorry that I was never there to support you, to help you if you wanted it. But know I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I will help in whatever way you need, or if you need me to back off and give you space, I can do that to. I can totally understand if you need time and space to think and to find yourself again. But just know that I am here, and this time I'm not going to ignore you, I'm going to stay and be there when you need me. However you need me."

Bo sighed and just allowed herself to stop for a moment. As soon as she did, she felt herself let out a sob. So much of this could have been prevented, so much of this could have been stopped. So much unneeded, so much wasted time. All because of stupid decisions, all because of her stupidity, her inability to realize what was going on, that they needed to communicate.

She could feel Lauren crying into her shoulder. This was really the first time they had both sat down and allowed themselves to cry, to allow themselves to be angered, sad, and emotions in between. Bo buried her face in Lauren's hair, and brought a hand up to hold her head to her shoulder, squeezing the other one she was holding.

For now they needed to cry, and they needed to hold each other. Lauren's past could wait a little longer, as could what happened with Taft and afterwards.

For now she just needed to hold her lover. For now she just needed her love in her arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Bo could feel Lauren shifting a little in her arms, she quickly removed her hand from Lauren's head and shifted it down to the small of her back, still holding her lightly. But she didn't lift her head, or move her arms. She was still curled into her, hiding her face from the world.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" She felt the head against her shoulder move slightly, down, up. Yes. She was okay. Probably not amazing, she certainly didn't feel amazing. She could hear a quiet sigh before the head resting on her shoulder moved. Bo gently detangled her and Lauren's fingers and removed her hand from Lauren's back. But the arm around her neck never moved, if anything it pulled her closer.

She felt the gentle press of Lauren's forehead against her own, Lauren's nose gently bumping hers. Bo smiled a little before allowing her forehead to lean against Lauren's and her arms to wrap around her waist, pulling her closer if that was possible. Bo sighed a little before saying. "We're a couple of saps aren't we?"

Her own voice sounded, raw, tired. She heard a small chuckle from Lauren, before she heard another sigh. "Bo… there 're some other things that I need to tell you. About what happened at Taft's lab, about what happened afterwards, about my past…"

Bo gently nuzzled her nose against Lauren's for a brief moment before pulling back and gently bringing one hand up to cup Lauren's tear stained cheek. "Karen Beattie, I know already. I found a file in your old apartment, but I want to hear it from you, not stuffy government papers."

"I have to trust that the person you showed me when we're together is who you are. I may not know your past, but I do hopefully know your heart, even if I was the one who broke it a little more each time." Trust. One of the keys to a successful relationship. She had to trust the woman in front of her, and hopefully the woman in front of her would trust her a little in return, even if it was rather undeserved.

"Whatever you want to tell me, however much you want to tell me, it's up to you. I won't push." Bo heard Lauren sigh again before she felt a cheek press against her own. A voice whispering in her ear.

"Thank-you, thank-you for trying Bo. Thank-you for listening to me talk, and for what you said in return." Another small sigh before a voice gently whispers in her ear. "I love you, baby. Don't ever doubt that." Bo could feel herself melting a little at the words Lauren spoke. She wanted to reply, but found that words were failing her. Instead Bo just leaned her cheek against Lauren's, a small smile slipping onto her face.

A minute later Bo could feel Lauren shifting again, pulling away. She felt Lauren's lower half shifting in her lap. She nearly groaned, wanting to pull Lauren closer, to keep her in her arms, but for now, she didn't want to chance it. Bo quickly let go of her waist, but really Lauren was only shifting so that she could sit next to Bo again. She heard Lauren sigh again before she intertwined their fingers.

"Taft first approached me the night of the awards ceremony. He came to my quarters to bring me the award since I hadn't appeared that night and he invited me out for drinks. At first, I wanted to turn him down. But then he started to talk about how he admired my work and…" Bo could hear Lauren sigh. "He actually seemed to appreciate and understand what I did, he was paying attention to me. The first person who actually understood my work and appreciated it, wanted to talk with me."

She heard Lauren chuckle a little. "It was a ploy of course, but at the time I was tired, and tipsy, and just so feed up with everything to do with the Fae and you. It was obvious he was hitting on me, and I can't deny that I liked the attention. It was nice to know that someone found me attractive, actually desired my company. So I went with him to get drinks. And honestly, I can't say that I didn't have a good time, I enjoyed his company, I enjoyed the intellectual stimulation. But eventually, he started to hit on me a little more, and I well… we never actually talked about me… but you know that I would never…" Lauren sighed again. "I suddenly remember that I had a girlfriend, a possibly very worried girlfriend. But really, I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty, you had ditched me, so why shouldn't I ditch you?"

"It was childish, but I wanted to get back at you a little bit, try and regain some control over my life again. Why shouldn't I have a friend who actually understood and appreciated my work? But he knew who I was, both in the present and what I had done in the past; he knew what I was to the Fae. He had hacked my computer, read all my work, my patient files. Although somehow, he never came across you, or else… things would have turned out rather differently for me if he knew that I was involved with you, if I was in love with you." That's why she said and I _loved_ you. She was trying to protect them both. Oh Lauren… Bo glanced over at Lauren's tear stained face.

She was tense, squeezing Bo's hand on and off as she told the story. Another tick goes into the shitty girlfriend column, at least it wouldn't be lonely. Could this have been… maybe, if she had payed more attention, if they had meet at the awards dinner with her there would it have turned out any differently?

She hadn't seen much of Taft, but the little she had seen of him he was… he would have found someway to track Lauren down eventually. Bo sighed a little and allowed her head to fall back against the couch. The situation was far to complicated, but they both most likely had some share of the blame.

She heard Lauren take another breath before she continued, squeezing Bo's hand again. "He kept calling, and calling. Sometimes coming to visit me in my apartment. He wanted me to join his organization… I kept saying no. I still had reasons to stay, we were still together, you were going through your Dawning. I wasn't about to pick-up and leave the life I had built, although I wanted to."

She heard pause for a moment, taking a deep breath. "And then I found out about Tamsin. I got beaten up. I asked for our break. I was still never planning on leaving… like I said, I had built my life here and I was still enslaved, I can't just get up and walk away without severe punishment." Bo lifted her head and turned it to look Lauren in the eye, squeezing Lauren's hand.

Even if Lauren didn't want to be protected she would not stand-bye and watch Lauren be tortured. "But then he somehow found that Interpol report about me, the one that I'm sure you saw in my apartment, although how you found it I don't know. I hid it somewhere I though no one would ever find it. I suddenly felt more pressure to choose him, if he already knew my past, he could ruin my reputation if he were to reveal the information, not to mention I could get arrested. But still I didn't leave…"

She felt Lauren squeeze her hand again, whether it was for Lauren's comfort or her own she wasn't sure. "Then Hale came to see me… I asked for some time off, I really don't know what I would have used it for, to go work with Taft? Maybe, but really I just wanted a chance to get away for a little while, a chance to get away from all of this. But Hale said no… I fought by his side, and I've done everything he asked and he said no. He reminded me that I was pledged to the Ash, he said I could take the week-end if I wanted to." That was the breaking point wasn't it Lauren? You just needed some time away from everything and you got rejected. So instead of taking it passively and listening, you put yourself first and ran. Bo sighed, squeezing Lauren's hand.

She could hear Lauren's voice cracking a little, Bo glanced over at Lauren, her eyes were a little misty. Bo squeezed Lauren's hand again. "So I called Taft and said that I would work for him. I was already considering it, but that really just made the decision that much easier. And you… well you were giving me space and time. I thought you might come and talk to me, I had hoped that you would at least seek answers if you couldn't figure them out on your own. But you didn't, instead for once you were actually respecting my wishes. When I knew you wouldn't come seeking answers or to come and apologize to me, or at least visit… my last reason for even trying to stay was gone."

"So he came, helped me load some bags that I had already packed. I left everything else behind, including my phone and the necklace that marked me as a ward of the Ash." She head Lauren laugh a little. "You know I would love to say I regretted it, but really I didn't. I was going somewhere that I could be free, I had made a huge decision for myself, by myself, for the first time in five years. I was starting to feel a little closer to my old self, I felt like I was starting to remember who I was a little. I was scared to though, from the beginning something about Taft hadn't felt right, but I ignored it. I don't know why, maybe because I was so tired of being last, of being a slave, of being little more then an object good for one thing, and one thing alone."

She heard Lauren sigh, allowing her head to fall back against the couch. "At first it seemed like a fairly normal lab, normal work, a little odd, but I though it might just be because I had been away from a human lab for so long, and it had been a long time since I set foot in a purely research based lab. But no, it wasn't. Shortly after I got there I found enzymes from the immune system of a mature succubus, but her immune system it was... it was going haywire. Bo the first thought that ran through my mind was had they somehow captured you? Were you in danger? You were the only mature succubus who I knew of in the surrounding area."

"The moment I found that out, the reasons my computer had been well I'm fairly sure it was hacked. I knew something was wrong… they had the samples of Fae secretions. Someone had captured at least one Fae, and oh god I thought it was you. I saw Taft open a door with a passkey. I eventually managed to find my own way into that room, that's when I found Dyson. He was beaten and bloody, claw marks on his chest, blood on his hand, he was shirtless, suggesting that he'd at least partially shifted. The first thing I asked him was if you were there… really the only though driving me was if you were captured I needed to save you. It sounds insane, but it's true. Dyson told me you weren't there though."

She heard Lauren chuckle a little. "I was so relieved for a moment, because at least you weren't in danger, you were safe. Even if we're on break, or broken-up it seems like one of my first priorities will always be your safety. Dyson however quickly told me what had happened, that he had been taken, that he had been forced to fight. That was when Isaac appeared, and he quickly revealed himself to be a megalomaniac hell bent on the destruction of the Fae. He said he had used me, and he would continue to use me. I was right back where I had began, I was being used again, I was being manipulated again for someone else's selfish gain."

Bo squeezed Lauren's hand again, she wished she could reach out and take Lauren into her arms, but she couldn't. This was another thing that needed to be said, she needed this background… she needed to try and understand what Lauren went through. Bo sighed, if she had just called, hell if she had just been a better girlfriend, gotten them away for a little while. No… this incident couldn't have been stopped, it was so much bigger then her, it was Lauren's feelings of being enslave, her feeling underappreciated. Which were both things she could have potentially helped with. Bo let out a small sigh, once again, communication was a key that she had somehow forgotten.

"After he made a little speech, accusing me of stealing his research, in the process, and telling me that he had been searching for the Fae since he was a child. You know that story I believe." Bo nodded, she had been in the office with them for that particular part of their conversation. "He wanted me to do a procedure to make him Fae… well you already know that story too, a little bit. It was something that I had been working on, I found that if you extracted bone marrow from a matching Fae, mixed it with the right amount of chemicals, and with a little luck you could become Fae. I never thought it would have been that simple… but it was. He locked me in one of the cages as punishment with another Fae, a Cabot… don't ask."

She heard Lauren take a small choked breath "God… I felt used and manipulated all over again, what was worse is Dyson blamed me… he thought I was the one responsible, he told me that there was a reason I could never leave the Fae. Never mind the fact that Hale lied to me, several times. Never mind the fact that I was a slave with no freedom. Never mind the fact that he was part of the reason we were both in this situation to begin with. I noticed that the Cabot was wounded, I asked for some medical supplies to treat her. I also asked her if I could take some of her bone marrow. She consented to both, so long as she would be freed."

Bo glanced over at Lauren. "A plan was starting to form in my head. I couldn't let Taft destroy the Fae world. I won't lie and say that I wish he would, but I couldn't, most Fae may be assholes, most may be mean and look down on me simply for the fact that I'm human. But not all Fae are like that, it's not fair to judge individuals by what the collective says. But there was another bigger reason. You. You belong in the world of the Fae, it's where you're safe, where everyone you know and you love exists. I can't let someone destroy that. I can't let someone destroy the place where you'll be safe, like I said before. You're safety, it trumps almost everything, if I can do something about it, I will never stand-bye and let harm come to you, especially when I can prevent or stop it."

"By this point you had come to try and rescue Dyson, I won't pretend that didn't hurt. I was hoping you'd come, I won't lie about that, but I had hoped you would come for me, but instead you go and rescue him. But I couldn't hold it against you, you didn't know if I was in danger, but you knew that he was. It hurt, that you had put the time and effort in to rescue him, but that as soon as he was in danger I became a secondary thought. Low on your list of priorities, low on everyone's list of priorities, unless I can be a scape goat for something."

"When you appeared in the office, god, you have no idea what I wanted to do to Taft, for the audacity to have captured you, for having put you in danger. You have no idea how much I wanted to run over and take you into my arms, god I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss you silly or slap you. Seeing you was both a great relief, and maddening. I couldn't act on my emotions though. I already had a plan that I needed to set in motion, it's just your appearance made things more complicated. Another variable I had to worry about." She heard Lauren sigh. "Before you appeared I at least knew that you weren't in danger, as I was talking with Dyson we heard someone else pipe in about their daughter, Dyson recognized her, it was Aife. Insane, but it was still Aife. Your mother, I have never been so relieved in my life to learn that it was her instead of you who was captured, you were okay, and that was a relief, or it was until I saw you in his office."

"Taft hated the Fae, he claimed they destroyed his family, killed his brother. He wanted to become one so that he would have the strength to destroy them. You were in the room with us and I had to protect you. You started to say that you were relieved to see me, that you were glad I was safe. With each word you put both of us in more danger. I tried telling you that Lauren wasn't my real name, that you didn't know me at all… but instead of getting angry, the one time you didn't say you hate me instead you say…"

Bo sighed and smiled a little. "I know you, and I love you. I still mean that Lauren, I know you, I know your heart and your mind. I may not know your past, and I may not know what you've done recently, but I do know you, and I do love you."

She heard Lauren sigh, Bo glanced over to see Lauren shaking her head a little with a small smile on her face. "I know. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to try and show me that you loved me, you wouldn't be here if you had doubts. But Bo, sometimes you are terrible at reading situations. By saying what you were saying, you put both of us in danger. Like I said before, if Taft had found out what you meant to me… I mean truly meant to me. He would have tortured you in order to get me to work for him. So I lied and said that I had loved you. He seemed to accept that. I had already let slip about you before, he overheard me asking if you were there with Dyson, if you had been captured."

"I couldn't afford to tip him off as to what we were to each other, or what you were specifically. He eventually asked me to begin prep for the procedure to turn him Fae, he didn't care about compatibility, he didn't care about much of anything really. But he knew that I knew about Fae and how powerful some of them were. He asked me which one we had right now was the most powerful. I had to lie to him about who the strongest Fae was… I told him it was Dyson, when in reality we both know that you're on a whole other level in terms of power. But still I couldn't let him get to you, or to hurt you. I knew Dyson could handle the procedure, and that afterwards he would most likely be strong enough to go after Taft."

"I preformed the procedure, I had extract Dyson's bone marrow but instead of giving Taft his bone marrow I gave him the sample that I had collected earlier from the Cabot. They're very fast, but very weak. I also ensured that the procedure was incomplete, he was a hybrid instead of being fully Fae. Then I set Dyson free, he was never fully unconscious for the procedure, as soon as Taft was gone I sutured his incision and set him free. I told him that you were in the facility with Tamsin, that there was one more thing I needed to do. But as I was explaining we were interrupted by the alarm, someone had let the Fae out and I knew it was you who had done it. I also knew that meant I had less time then I'd originally hoped. I couldn't be there with a group of starving Fae. I would be little more then a meal."

"So I went to the prep area and grabbed the bag I had hidden and just walked away. I knew what I would be to the Fae. I would be considered a terrorist because I had run away to Taft. If I was captured I would be convicted of treason, regardless of what I did to try and stop Taft. I knew all of this, so instead of staying behind and allowing myself to be rescued, I took the first step towards freedom, I made a decision for myself, and I had to pay for the consequences of my actions."

She heard Lauren sigh. "I ran and changed my name, just like I did before. I, found a small town in the middle of nowhere to hide, forged a resume and found work at some roadside dinner. The place wasn't all that popular but it made enough to get by, and to payed it's employees fairly decently, the tips were good to." She heard Lauren sigh before she felt warmth return to her shoulder. Lauren was cuddled into her again, her head resting between the crook of her neck and her chest.

Bo glanced down in confusion, she wouldn't deny that it felt good. But why was Lauren leaning against her like this? Bo sighed and allowed herself to wrap an arm around Lauren and pull her closer. Her heart ached to see Lauren curled into her like this, she looked so tired, she seemed to be exhausted.

"At some point along the way I lost my memories of you, just like everyone else did I'm sure. But then they came back. And suddenly things I had been seeing, smelling, the laughter I had heard in the background, it all made sense. My subconscious had been reminded of you by certain people's actions, certain sights, certain smells. They acted as stimuli to trigger memories that had been suppressed but not erased." She felt Lauren curl a little closer to her.

"My memories came back at the end of the night shift. I was alone and scared; I had this sudden onslaught of sights, sounds, smells, and emotions that were foreign to me. But slowly the memories of a brunette came back, until finally one thing popped out, your name Bo. I remembered, everything. All the happiness, the sadness, the anger, the hurt, the warmth, and the love I felt for you. I remembered it all. I tried to call someone, I tried to call everyone. But no one would pick-up their phone, no one would answer." As Lauren spoke her voice began to crack again. Bo felt herself starting to tear up as well… what Lauren had gone through in all of this. It was unfair.

She heard Lauren sigh before squeezing her hand again. "I had no idea if you were safe, if you were okay, or if you were in danger. Memories don't get erased for no reason, but I couldn't figure out why. I kept thinking what if something had happened to you? What if you were wandering around somewhere lost with no memories? Or wondering if we were okay. At one point I saw an image in the newspaper that reminded me so much of you… but it just made my heart ache when I realize that it wasn't you. I knew that we were still on break, I knew… but I couldn't help but worry. I still loved you and cared for you, and whether I liked it or not, I would always worry about you. But eventually I realized that if the memories of you had returned you were most likely okay, you were more then likely safe."

She could feel her shirt starting to become wet. "I kept trying to call, I needed to know what was happening here, if everyone was okay. If you needed my help, if you were still missing. I eventually managed to get a hold of Dyson." Bo heard a small watery chuckle. "You know the first thing that I asked him was if his incision was healing alright. I couldn't be sure how much time had passed since we lost our memories and they were returned, the false ones, they operated on a different time line then the true ones, so it was hard to judge the passage of time. I told him I wanted to come home. I don't even know why I was asking for permission, I already knew that I couldn't I was still a wanted terrorist, more then likely No. 1. But still I wanted to come back, I needed to make sure you were okay, I had a sudden need to ensure Kenzi's safety, as well as Dyson's, even Trick's!"

Bo chuckled a little. Kenzi had mention that she and Lauren were closer without her around. That had apparently carried forward into reality when the false memories faded. Bo gently brought her free hand up to run through Lauren's hair. She couldn't imagine what it was like to loose your memories and then suddenly regain them all at once, and then to have no idea about how your loved ones were doing. At least with Lauren, despite all of the anger and sadness, she had the knowledge that Dyson had talked to her, heard her voice. That at that time at least she had been okay.

She heard Lauren sigh, before she started to speak again. "There was a reason that I wasn't mad that you didn't come to find me Bo. I knew you were missing for some time, but it was the Morrigan who told me that, not Dyson. Imagine my surprise when after everything I went through, I find out on top of it all that you had been missing! Although I was told that you were back and that you were safe, which was a great relief. But still he failed to mention that you were missing during our conversation. You have no idea how mad I am at him for that. Despite the fact that we're on break, you're still technically my girlfriend. I have the right to know if your missing or in danger, but Dyson saw fit to tell me neither. But I can deal with him later. I asked him to protect you, because I wasn't there to do it."

She heard Lauren sigh. "I didn't like having to ask him to protect you… but what other option did I have? I wasn't there myself to do it, although if I had known you were missing at the time, I would most likely have gone back heedless of my own safety. But he didn't so I didn't know."

She felt Lauren take another shuddering breathe, tears starting to soak into her shirt at a faster rate. Bo ran her hand through Lauren's hair again. She could feel tears running down her own cheeks again. Why were they both crying constantly? She didn't say anything, just allowing both of them a moment. It wasn't the violent sobbing of earlier; these were tears of something else, what she didn't know.

She heard a half chocked sob escape from Lauren before she heard a shuddering breath. "At the dinner there was a beautiful blonde haired waitress… She would always be flirting with me, trying to get my attention. At first I though she was just being nice but eventually I realized that she was flirting with me… I tried to get her to stop, but at the same time I can't deny that I liked the attention. She found my jokes to be funny, she actually payed attention to me and seemed to appreciate me She also said I was beautiful, although I choose to ignore that part."

She heard Lauren pause, another sob breaking through. Bo sighed and ran her hand through Lauren's hair again, and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before resting her cheek on top of Lauren's head, squeezing Lauren's hand in a gesture of support. Whatever happened, whatever had happened Lauren was here and in her arms, and despite the fact she knew where this was most likely going she couldn't jump to conclusion just yet.

"At some point there was a man who came in, he ended up choking on his food, there was no way for him to breathe, he was turning blue very rapidly. I was going to preform a tracheotomy on him, but instead he turned out to be Fae… I saved his life, removed the piece of food. But Crystal had filmed it, saying that we could make money by selling the video… or we could post it and it would go viral. I said that she really shouldn't that she didn't know what she was getting into."

Bo laughed a little. The situation sounded very familiar, it reminded her of the first time she had met Kenzi, when the younger woman had filmed her feeding off of the man, it had been the start of their friendship. But the way Lauren was acting… it wasn't the same. She felt the head resting against her chest shift a little, so that her ear was resting over her heart, so she could hear the beat. Bo could feel her heart breaking from that little movement… what had happened?

"She asked me, if after work if we could have a drink. I agreed, seeing an opportunity to get at her phone, or at least hopefully get at her phone. I wish I could pretend that was my only motivation, but it wasn't… I liked the attention, it was flattering. Someone actually found me attractive, someone actually desired my company, god I'm such a sucker for that. I…she…Later on, when it was just the two of us, she said she was going to the washroom and she left her phone behind. I tried to get into it, but it was password protected… when she came back out she found me trying to get at it. She told me a story about how her password was 'toad' named after her pet dog when she was a child. She actually took the phone from me and deleted the video." She felt and heard Lauren laugh a little. Another sob escaped from Lauren, Bo felt her eyes tear over again in sympathy. Whatever had happened, it had obviously done a number on Lauren.

"I was shocked. It was the first time I had seen simple human kindness in years, it was something I had forgotten existed to be honest. After that I started to trust her, and to open up to her. I told her my name wasn't Amber, the pseudonym I was using at the time, but Lauren. Despite my birth name being Karen, I do identify as Lauren. I started to flirt back a little, I will admit that she was a beautiful woman, and she was very attractive physically. But she was also friendly, open, honest, or at least I though she was. She opened up to me a little about why she was working at the diner. She wanted to buy a farm house, a place to call her own and to watch the stars in." She felt Lauren grab hold of her shirt with her free hand. It was as if Lauren was afraid she would run. Bo brought her hand up to run it through Lauren's hair again.

"She invited me to her place for some beer and to talk. By this point she had expressed an interest in me, but I always acted disinterested when it moved beyond flirting. I didn't… I _couldn't_ bring myself to cheat on you. We talked about you having a free pass to sleep with someone else… but we never talked about me. It was assumed I think that I would be both emotionally and sexually monogamous. That was okay, because that was how I wanted it. But when we were on break… with everything that was happening. I felt so alone, I was so stressed, and really I was just craving human contact…"

Bo felt herself tearing up, she knew what was coming. "Please Lauren, just say it."

"I slept with Crystal that night. We started talking and I was getting tipsy and I found myself opening up to her, about my past, about the fact that I was enslaved for five years and she was there and being supportive, and I kissed her and well it escalated from there." Anger and jealousy surged through her; she was the only person who was supposed to see Lauren that way. She was… Bo buried her head in Lauren's hair, inhaling her scent as tears started to leak out of her eyes. She could hear Lauren sobbing again.

She quickly used the arm that was around her to tug at her gently, until Lauren was back in her lap, curled up and leaning against her. She quickly wrapped an arm around Lauren and pulled her close, squeezing the hand she was still holding. God this was such a mess, Lauren obviously regretted what happened, although if it was the fact that she slept with Crystal or something else… she couldn't be sure. Bo allowed herself to let out the sob she had been holding back.

Here they were, both of them crying again. God, she had cried more today then in the past month… but still it was soothing in a way. At least she wasn't alone, god what Lauren had been through, the amount of pain she must have been in and stress she must have been under.

She knew what it was like to be on the run, moving from place to place, but she had never had to change her name, watch behind her back constantly for a species of creatures that could track her down and kill her in one fell swoop. She had left behind her family and her friends, but it had never been like this. She had never had to run and change her name twice.

What Lauren had done… she deserved to be called a hero, not a terrorist. She had saved her entire race, at the cost of her own safety and freedom, really in order to ensure her own. Lauren was selfless, that much could be said with certainty. The Una Mens where the main problem now, their enforcement of the law… Bo sighed and nuzzled the top of Lauren's head lightly, playing with her hair gently.

How did she feel about Lauren sleeping with someone else. Anger and jealousy, were the first emotions that popped into her head. Someone else had seen what was hers, what should only be hers to see… this was what Lauren went through when she found out that Bo slept with someone else wasn't it. This need to take back what was hers, to mark and remind Lauren to whom she belonged. Gah! Need a better word for that.

She felt possessive. She wishes that she could go back and remove the memory of Lauren's naked body, of her during sex, from Crystal's mind. Whoever she was, wherever she was.

But she also felt her heart breaking fro Lauren, because something else had obviously happened. Something else had gone on, or else she wouldn't be crying like this, she wouldn't be curled up in her lap, sobbing into her chest, needing to hear her heartbeat. Lauren wouldn't be holding her hand in a death grip afraid she would let go. Bo took a deep breath trying to get enough control over herself to stop crying.

"Lauren" Bo breathed out before sighing. "I don't know how I should feel after hearing that. Do I feel jealous and angry because as you pointed out earlier someone saw you in a way that really only I should? Do I feel possessive and remind you… well that actually sounded a little less creepy in my head." Bo heard a small chuckle from her chest. That made her smile a little despite the tears that were still streaming down her cheeks. "But anyways. I feel a need to touch you, to erase her touch, and to make you mine again. Except that you're not mine, not really. I have no right to say whom you can and can't sleep with, especially after I slept with Dyson multiple times. Even when I didn't need to feed."

"So now, I'm caught between anger an sympathy. Because I do understand why you did it, I know what it's like to be on the run, the need for human contact, the need to escape for a little while. And I can guess that something else happened, or else you wouldn't be in my lap again, sobbing into my chest, and clinging to me like I'm going to disappear in an instant." Bo sighed. "I'm angry because I feel like you cheated on me, but really you didn't and it would be wrong of me to say that I can sleep with anyone I want but you can't. I'm jealous because you turned to someone else… but really part of the reason you were enjoying the attention and the flirting and everything was because I ignored you, and because I placed you last. So really most of this is my fault, even if it's only in a roundabout way for some of it, and directly for even more of it."

Bo moved her head to press a kiss to Lauren's forehead, before leaning her cheek against Lauren's head. She could still feel Lauren shaking from the sobs that were escaping her. "But in the end, I can't fault you. You didn't cheat, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm jealous and angry, yes. But you're also here, in my arms. You know when you told me you loved me earlier, and to never forget that, I was confused. But now I think I understand a little, it was because of this, it was because of what happened with Taft and because of what you told me about Crystal. And at this point the only thing I can really say is that I love you, and well, as much as I would love to yell and scream about it, there's really nothing to forgive. Because you never did anything wrong." Bo leaned down again and pressed another kiss to Lauren's forehead. Before murmuring "So take a breath baby, it's going to be okay."

She felt Lauren lean against her more, some of the tension leaving her body. "Bo… There's still more that I have to tell you."

"The next morning I got a phone call, someone was looking for Karen. I panicked, knew I had to leave town. I went back to my place and grabbed the bag that I always kept packed in case this happened, and went to say goodbye to Crystal. I didn't want her worrying about me you know? The last thing I needed was a police report filled saying that I was missing. As I was saying goodbye someone came knocking on her door, I left out the back-way to her place. And I started to walk along the side of the road. Eventually I saw a car pull up, an old blue one, turns out Crystal had followed me. She offered me a lift, and without thinking I got in, that's when I got attacked."

Blue car… it couldn't be. Oh no… had they driven past Lauren that day? The passenger struggling. Stupid, Stupid! Why didn't you insist Dyson stop! Oh god. "Lauren I am so sorry. God, Dyson and I, I think we drove past you that day, oh god I can't even… why didn't I insist we stop! I saw someone struggling but… how could I have not recognized you?"

"Bo…" She heard Lauren sigh before squeezing her hand. "You had no way of knowing that it was me. I'm not mad, I can't say that I wish you hadn't stopped that day, but if you had… well. There's no point in thinking about it now. When I entered the car someone came up from the back seat, they held something to my mouth, something else to my neck. I don't know what happened afterwards, the next thing I know I wake up in a prison cell, a belt holding chains that ended in handcuffs to my body. Crystal was handcuffed to a pipe."

She felt Lauren burrow into her a little more, the memory was most likely not pleasant. "I got captured by the Dark as it turned out. They had sought me out; Crystal had been payed by someone to keep me close… she slept with me to keep me close. She to borrow Kenzi's term 'spy-banged' me. She betrayed me at some point along the way, but when I got captured so did she. I was originally meant to be a job to her, but apparently at some point, she had actually started to develop feelings for me and started to care about me. Two years later and I finally find out how you feel, I felt hurt and betrayed. But I couldn't be mad at her… I did something similar to you."

Bo nuzzled Lauren's forehead gently before pressing another kiss to it. "You know I forgave you for that a long time ago right? I know why you did it, I also know that you sent Dyson after me, despite the fact that I humiliated you afterwards. And don't compare what you did to what Crystal did, they're two very different things. You were trying to protect me from both myself and Vex, going about it in the wrong ways probably, but still you had the right idea, we were heading in that direction anyways, it would have happened eventually, just a matter of when. Plus I don't regret that night, like you I regret how it ended, but the lovemaking itself? It was beautiful and so different from anything else I had ever done. There was so much more there Lauren, we were in love by that point, even if neither of us wanted to admit it. Actually the moment I tore the necklace off of you was also the moment I realized I loved you."

She heard Lauren chuckle a little. "You already know that I loved you from the moment we met. But there is still one more thing I need to tell you, I did tell Crystal about my past, but god, I wish it had been you down there with me, we were both dirty and exhausted, Crystal was going into anaphylactic shock because of her nickel allergy, so I had to talk, to keep her calm. So I told her about my past. After all of that the Dark had me run some tests on a sample, the Elder had been eating their own kinds, developed a sort of Spongiform encephalitis from it. That was also when I broke out of the handcuffs, Kenzi taught it to me… or at least fake memory her did. Then the Morrigan revealed herself and you know the rest."

Bo sighed and nodded. Pressing a kiss to Lauren's forehead and squeezing her hand. "My birth name is Karen Beattie, I changed my name to Lauren Lewis years ago after something went wrong. My brother and I, we were going to change the world, we were going to make it a better place. Everything was going fine, until Egypt, the pipeline we were going to destroy there, no one was meant to get hurt that day. No one was supposed to be there."

Bo felt Lauren curl into her more, gripping her hand in a vice grip. Bo tightened her grip on Lauren's waist, pulling her closer if that was possible, bringing her free hand to run it through Lauren's hair. "But there were people there that day. Eleven of them died in the explosion, I'm responsible for the death's of eleven people, and I have to live with that everyday, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret what happened, where I don't regret what I've done. I can never forgive myself for trusting my brother to make sure that no one was there… for making sure no one got hurt. No one was ever supposed to get hurt! It was supposed to be a message not a…" Lauren let out a sob.

"I changed my name from Karen Beattie to Lauren Lewis and ran, I lost contact with my brother and I just ran. So that's it Bo… that's what happened it my past. I'm an eco-terrorist who is wanted internationally. I'm… god…" Lauren started to sob again.

Bo took it in. She didn't say anything, she just held Lauren close. So that was what happened. They were more similar then she had thought. Both of them had done horrible things in their pasts, Lauren had done what she did, and Bo was responsible for the deaths of countless people, whom she had killed because she had no control over her feeding. Both of them had killed people and they both had to carry that weight with them everyday. Lauren had been doing what she thought was best… Bo had done what she did for survival.

Bo could feel the sob that she didn't know she had been choking back escape. God they both had been through so much. Bo pressed the side of her face against Lauren's forehead, and allowed her tears to flow. So much pain and so much regret was between them, but it was almost all out there now. The only question left was what to do about them.

"Lauren?" Bo whispered. She felt a nod against her chest. "Do you want to go take a bath with me?"

She felt Lauren nod against her chest again before lifting her head off of it. She felt Lauren shifting in her lap, the hand that had been gripping her shirt coming up to wrap around her neck.

She could feel Lauren lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead, before she pressed a kiss to both of her cheeks, and then finally she pressed a kiss to her lips.

It was soft and gentle, for once Bo didn't feel the need to escalate it. She just leaned in and kissed Lauren back gently and softly. A few moments later they broke apart. Bo blinked open her eyes, only to be met with Lauren's tear stained and blotchy face, but despite that Lauren was beaming.

"You didn't run. You're still here. You sat and you listened and…" She felt Lauren surge forward, pressing her lips fervently to Bo's. "You picked me. You choose me. You love me. You're here and we talked. We talked and you listened, and you talked. And I can't believe this. I cannot believe this. I can't believe this actually is happening. I'm so happy. God. This… I don't even know where to begin." She felt Lauren lean in to kiss her again.

Bo smiled slightly, this was good. This was a good sign. "Your mine, you're my girl. You love me, you choose me. You want me… I can't believe it. I actually got the girl. I got the girl, and I… you. This is real. I got the girl. You didn't run. When did you get so mature?"

Bo laughed before nuzzling Lauren's nose with her own. "Does this mean…" Bo trailed off.

"Not quite… but it's a start. A very, very good start. Actually maybe, yes. I'm not 100% on anything yet Bo. But I do know that I want you and I want us to be together. But if we get back together I need a little space and a little time okay? I still need to find myself, and I need space to do that. But I also need support and help when I ask for it. But yes… for now. Baby, I love you. I think the break is close to done. Just one more thing."

She heard Lauren sigh before smiling again. "It's time."

Bo laughed and surged forward grabbing Lauren by the back of her head and smashing their lips together.

God. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have nearly lost this?

This time, she needed to take better care of everything, needed to be more open and honest. But she could think more about that later, for now she had Lauren in her arms kissing her like there was no tomorrow.

They still had a bath to take together and then something else. Bo wrapped her arms around Lauren's waist, pulling her closer on her lap.

She had her girlfriend back, her partner back. It felt amazing.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As sad as I am to say this is the last chapter for this fic, unless another idea pops into my mind. I may do another chapter featuring the talk with Tamsin, but we need to see where that one goes on the show first. Hell the only reason I did this was because the show wasn't doing it and no else would do it. **

**Thank-you to everyone who has left reviews as well as favourited and followed me. This little fic would probably not have continued if it weren't for your support. Really it was originally meant to be a oneshot, but I forgot to mark it complete. So here we are 5 chapters and 40,000 words later. I appreciate the feedback, as well as the praise some of you have left in your reviews. I don't deserve it really. **

**Anyways. To those of whom this is relevant Merry Christmas and to all of my readers Happy New Years! **

* * *

Bo laughed a little as she gently touched Lauren's cheek as they pulled apart from the kiss. She brought her eyes up to see that same beaming smile on Lauren's face, her eyes alight with something she had never seen before. Happiness, true and pure happiness.

Bo felt a grin splitting on her own face as she pressed their foreheads together again. "Still up for that bath?"

She heard Lauren giggle a little, honest to goodness giggle. "Yes. But first…" She felt the arm that was wrapped around her neck tugging at her, Bo leaned in and kissed Lauren on the mouth again.

Bo pulled back a second later, Lauren was absolutely beaming, and Bo felt herself smiling in return. The joy she was feeling was indescribable. There were still some more things that needed to talk about, but for now it could wait a little longer. They both needed a little time together, without one of them breaking down and crying again.

Bo brought the hand that had been resting on Lauren's cheek up to rest in Lauren's hair. "You ready?"

She saw Lauren nod, getting up off of her lap. "Actually there is one thing that I have to get first. You just stay right here." She heard Lauren say as she leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. Bo felt herself smiling a little as she watched Lauren cross to the room to what she had to assume her bedroom.

Bo laughed a little as she allowed her head to fall back against the couch. The talk she had with Lauren, it was eye opening for her in so many ways. To think that Lauren had to live with all of that pain, all of that sadness. God, what she had gone through. Bo could feel her phone vibrating from in her pocket.

Bo sighed a little before pulling it out of her pocket, she quickly checked the caller I.D. It was Kenzi. She quickly pressed the call accept button before bringing it to her ear.

"Hey Kenz." Her voice still sounded horse from all of the crying, Bo noted. She felt a small sad smile slip onto her face at the thought.

"BoBo?! You okay? Do I need to go and get a shovel?" Bo laughed a little at the frantic tone coming Kenzi on the other end.

"No Kenz… no. I'm fine, I'm great actually." Bo laughed a little more.

" Waah?" The confused sound slipped through the phone. "BoBo? You high? 'Cause you sound like hell."

"Kenz…" Bo shook her head a fond smile slipping onto her face. "No. Like I said, I'm great. Lauren and I, we had a long, long talk about… well everything really. There were just a lot of tears involved, a lot of crying, that's why my voice sounds like hell right now. Because we both had to dredge up some painful memories, some painful things. I also apologized for the cheating, the lying, the neglect, the…"

Bo was cut off by Kenzi. "I get it BoBo, you were apologizing for the things that you did wrong. I had to listen to that rant three times remember? So… what happened? You and the Doc good now? Or are you going to be all 'We're friends, but not really because we're in love with each other but to stubborn to admit it and there's the Mt. Everest equivalent of sexual tension between us' again. 'Cause I don't think I can handle another Lauren induced broken heart and the dance that follows it."

Bo laughed. "You were wrong Kenz when you said it was not just a break. It was a break! I'm not completely sure what's going on with us but well…. Actually I think the breaks over Kenz."

Bo quickly removed the phone from her ear a moment later as there was a loud screech of "WHAT!" A moments pause followed by a breath and the words at a more normal volume "You and the Doc… really? Again? This soon?"

Bo smiled before nodding, forgetting for a moment that Kenzi wasn't with her. "Aaah. I think. She was kinda mixing words, muttering out half complete thoughts but from what I can tell, yes we are back together. I have my girlfriend back, Kenz, although a better word is probably my partner at this point. God Kenz… I can't even begin to describe how happy I am right now." She paused for a moment before adding. "No. I'm nearly 100% sure. You know what she said to me. One more thing before she said. 'It's time'. That's what I said to her when I asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with me."

She heard Kenzi sigh on the other end of the phone before muttering something, followed by another sigh. "Sorry BoBo. Wow. It's just a little surreal. But at the same time. Awww. The Doc seriously echoed back what you said to her when you asked her out?" She heard Kenzi sigh again, it sounded more breathy, more airy. "That's seriously romantic. Who knew the Doc had it in her? And why do you get all the love?"

Bo smiled shaking her head. "If you want love and romance go visit a certain siren. I'm sure he will romance you to heaven and back." Bo heard footsteps approaching from the bedroom. Bo glanced up to see Lauren approaching her, one hand held behind her back. "Gotta, go Kenz. I'll see you later okay?"

Bo quickly disconnected the call, gently placing her phone on the coffee table in front of her. She looked up who had a small smile on her face, it was so beautiful… she had never seen Lauren smile this much before.

"What did Kenzi want?" she heard Lauren murmur as she approached the couch.

"Calling to check-up on us, asking if you had broken my heart again. I told her no, that it was the opposite actually. My heart was feeling much better." She saw Lauren smile a little before a serious look settled on her face.

"Before we go take that bath you keep mentioning, there is something that I want to give you, Bo." What? Wait… could it be? Really now? This early on? She heard sigh before the hand holding something behind her back moved. "I think you may have already found it… when I went back to get it, the note was opened. But there is more I want to say about it."

Bo looked up at Lauren who was crossing from where she had been standing in front of the coffee table to sit beside her on the couch. As Lauren sat down Bo noticed the box, it was the same one she had found, it was the necklace, although the note and the ribbon were gone. She glanced over at Lauren's face, it was still blotchy and tear stained from crying, her eyes were still misted over. But she still looked beautiful. She felt Lauren gently intertwine their fingers again.

She heard Lauren sigh before she began to speak. "I bought this necklace a long time ago, shortly after we got together. It was originally meant as a thank-you present, a token of my love, and a representation of the gift you gave me. That was why the note was written the way it was, because this was originally meant as a thank-you. I could never find the right time to give it to you though… the moment just never felt right. And then you slept with Dyson, and then you had to start sleeping with others, and the whole mess of a situation that our relationship became. It never felt right to give it to you."

She felt Lauren squeeze her hand gently, before continuing, her voice starting to quiver slightly. "I was considering giving it to you after the Dawning, as a congratulations gift for passing it. But that never felt right either, I was under so much stress, so much pressure, I was starting to loose myself, I was in so much pain. It didn't feel right to give it to you, because you were the source of it all. So instead I asked for the break. When I was leaving for Taft's, I considered taking this with me, as a reminder of you, of what you had done for me… that at some point you had loved me, and wanted me, despite being a lowly human. That my time in the Fae world, despite being mostly bad, was not all bad, there were a few good spots, a few good memories."

She heard Lauren sigh, her voice start to crack. Hadn't they cried enough today? "But I decided against it. I wanted you to have something to remember me by, on the off chance that I wasn't the second choice or the third choice, that you actually wanted me, that you'd loved me, and hadn't been using me. So I decided to leave the necklace as a good-bye, a thank-you for loving me. And I think to some degree, an I'm sorry. So I left it in my desk at my place, and that's where you found it obviously. You read the note, but you didn't take the necklace."

She felt Lauren squeeze her hand again. Bo turned her head to look Lauren directly in the eye. The expression on her face was a watery smile, a happy smile, but there was sadness there to. "When I went back to retrieve it, I was surprised that despite the note being read, the ribbon removed, you hadn't taken it. I promised myself when I found it again that I wouldn't give it to you until I saw some change, some movement forward, until we had talked, until we'd had lots of talking. So now… now this necklace has a chance to mean something new."

Bo could hear Lauren sigh before looking at her and smiling slightly. "You've shown me that you're trying to change, that you're willing to try and communicate with me, The fact that you actually made a choice and you choose me." She heard Lauren let out a watery chuckle. "I'm still finding that hard to believe, that after two years of you bouncing back and forth, you choose me, over Dyson. But you have, and you've shown me that your willing to do what needs to be done, on my terms and my conditions. Which I am grateful for, the fact that your willing to give me space and to give me time."

She saw Lauren's smile grow slightly. "And through all of our talks you stayed, and you listed to me talk, rant, and vent. Never once did you get up, never once did you storm off angry, or leave me because of what you were feeling. Instead you stayed and you actually apologized for your actions, and inactions, you let me in and told me what you were feeling honestly. I'm grateful for that. Although on some level I'm still honestly surprised that you realized what you did wrong in the first place. Even if it took Kenzi calling you out to start this all."

She saw Lauren take a breath before she leaned over to peck her on the lips before resting her forehead against hers. "This necklace is really just a ring and a chain. The ring symbolizes eternity in many cultures around the world, an unbroken circle. The word "Forever" carved on the inside to remind you that I will love you forever. That whether I like it or not sometimes, you have my heart forever." She felt Lauren lean over and kiss her again.

A moment later Lauren pulled. "Now this necklace has a new meaning. Above what the chain and the necklace represent. It's not a thank-you gift anymore, just as it's not a goodbye; it's not a congratulations gift. It's a promise. It's a promise from me to you that I will always love you, that I will always be here when you need me. That I will fight for you, and for us, But most of all, it's a promise that I will protect you and whatever future we may have together because this time is the last chance we have Bo, no more screw-ups. We both need to be honest, we both communicate our wants and our needs, if something's not working we talk and compromise. Because if you hurt me like you did last time? I walk away, no looking back. I cannot go through that level of pain, that much suffering again, and I won't allow myself to."

She felt Lauren squeeze her hand before using her free one to reach out and cup her cheek. Bo leaned into Lauren's hand, which was guiding her head slightly, so that she was making direction eye contact with her girlfriend. "If I take this necklace, then I also make a promise to you. That I will communicate with you as much as I can, I'll be honest with you even if I don't think you need to hear it, especially if I don't think you need to hear it, and I won't ever let you be the last priority in my life again. That I will fight for you, and for us. That I will be there for me when you need it, just as I will be there for you when you need me. But most of all I will love you until my last breath, and that you are my choice, and I make this decision without regret."

Bo squeezed Lauren's hand as she said the last words, she looked over to see Lauren's eyes watering again. Bo felt herself tearing up in response. She felt Lauren let go of her hand for a moment before she reached down to open the box and gently pull out the necklace.

Just as Lauren was about to hand it to her, Bo gently put her hand on top of Lauren's. "Will you put it on me?" The fact that Lauren was giving her a necklace, when the necklace she once wore had been meant as a dog collar, as a symbol that she was a slave. It was a token that meant so much more. Bo looked up and saw Lauren nod, before she started to speak again.

"I wore a necklace as a dog collar, a symbol that I belonged to someone else, someone who had taken away my freedom, and my ability to make decisions and choices." She heard Lauren take a breath as she reached down to open the clasp. "I give you this necklace as a token of my love, not as ownership. As a promise to help and support you, be whatever you need me to be, rather then cage you. I give it to you of my own free will, of my freedom, and of the freedom you gave me."

Bo felt Lauren gently bring the necklace around her neck before bringing the two pieces of the clasp together. A moment later she felt Lauren pull her hands back from behind her neck. Bo glanced down; it was the necklace she had found. The simple silver ring with the word "Forever" carved on the inside. Bo glanced up at Lauren; she could feel her eyes starting to mist over.

"It's beautiful Lauren. I… I can't even begin to. Wow. You…" Bo sighed and stopped talking for a moment. She raised her head to meet Lauren in the eye, reaching out with both of her hands to cup Lauren's cheeks, guiding their lips together for a moment before Bo pulled away. "I love you." She breathed out gently as she rested her forehead against Lauren's.

"I love you too, baby, and don't ever forget that." She heard Lauren whisper. Bo felt the tears that had been gathering in her eyes start to run down her cheeks again. She felt a finger come up to her cheek and brush a few of the tears away. Bo could feel another sob rising in her throat and a moment later it escaped.

She felt a hand come up to rest on her back, pulling her closer to Lauren, who was pulling away from her slightly, before bending down to press a kiss to her cheek. God, she had nearly lost this. She had nearly lost Lauren, how could she have been so stupid? Bo took a shuddering breath. She could feel Lauren starting to run a hand through her hair, gently tugging her slightly, until her forehead was resting against Lauren's again. A moment later she felt Lauren shifting again, until her lips were next to her ear.

Bo took a deep breath before she started speaking, there was another thing that she needed to tell Lauren, she wasn't completely sure why now, but it felt as good a time as any. "Lauren, about what happened with Nadia all that time ago. There was something that Lachlan lied to you about, baby. He wasn't the one who freed Nadia, I was. He sent me to the Congo, told me to seek out the Shaman who cast the original curse, I meet with him and found out that he was dying I agreed to retrieved some mask for him if he gave me the power to removing the nail. I retrieved the mask for him, and he gave me the device to remove the nail, so I did."

"But when I got back from the travel agent, Nadia was already awake, she was already free, and you two were kissing. I knew I had done the right thing; all I wanted to do was to set you free, and to give you a chance to be free. But Lachlan had told me that I could never tell you what I did or else something would happen, and in return he lied to you and told you that he did it, causing you to swear your loyalty to him again."

"Bo… why? Why didn't you tell me this soon? She heard Lauren whisper into her ear." Her voice cracking.

"Because I didn't know what could happen to you or to Nadia if I told you what I did, but now…" Bo trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it so that it wouldn't hurt as much.

"Now you can tell me because Nadia's dead. Because you had to kill her… Oh god Bo. You had to kill Nadia, someone you had already saved once. Oh… And I asked you to kill her. Oh god. I just… I'm so sorry." Bo breathed out slightly letting one of the hands wrapped around Lauren's waist come to rest in her hair, gently playing with it.

"I can't imagine what you went through, having to ask your lover to kill your girlfriend. To ask one person you were in love with to kill the other, for that to be the only way to free her. I can't imagine what was going through your head in that moment Lauren, I can't imagine how much pain you went through in that moment, to come to the conclusion that was the only option that was available to you. And on top of all of that Nadia died in your arms. She died in yours arms and in your apartment. I can't imagine what you went through." Bo murmured as she pressed her cheek against Lauren's more firmly, the hand playing with Lauren's hair stopping to hold her head.

"You don't want to know what was going through my head… it was one of the hardest thing's I've ever done, one of the worst decisions I ever made. It's something that I regret, that I regret that I didn't notice sooner, early enough to try and save her. But at the same time, I know that there was no other way. I just… I wanted to blame you, for a little while I did. But eventually I grew angry at the Garuda instead, blaming him. I couldn't sleep for a long time, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't feel safe, so I turned to you, because despite it all, despite everything that happened back then I felt safe with you… I…"

Bo could hear was a small sob escape from Lauren, the cheek that was pressed against her own becoming wet. She gently wrapped her hands around Lauren's waist from where they had fallen to her neck, pulling her close. She was crying because of what had happened with Nadia, the pain of seeing Lauren with someone else, the devastation of having her heart broken again. The burden of truths never told, and sacrifices that had been made, to return Nadia to Lauren, only to have to be the one to take her away. Months of pent up emotions finally being let go of.

She could feel Lauren gently running the hand that was resting on her back up and down for a moment before it stopped and applied a gentle pressure, and a small tug on her hair. Bo allowed herself to be pulled closer, burying her face in Lauren's neck; she could feel tears dropping into her hair, a nose occasionally nuzzling her scalp, as tears continued to hit her scalp and her hair.

She could feel the tears starting to slow some time later, but she didn't move. She was exhausted. It had been an emotionally draining afternoon, especially after this revelation, after finally telling Lauren the truth. "Bo? You want to go take that bath?" Lauren's voice was still quivering with tears, it sounded raw, no doubt from the sobs that had been escaping at the memories of her old girlfriend and her death.

Bo lifted her head up before nodding, a smile making its way onto her face. She leaned over to press a kiss to Lauren's cheek before she pulls her hand away from Lauren's waist and untangles the other one from her hair. "Yeah… but first I have to ask. Are you sure about this? I mean, it's so soon afterwards, we only just talked. I don't want this to be a repeat of last time, when you didn't have enough time to mourn. I don't want you to not have enough time to be on your own, to find yourself again."

She heard Lauren sigh gently, before starting to move the hand that was entangled in her hair again. "I can't really explain Bo, but this feels right. It feels right to be here and be with you. I wasn't kidding about still needing space, and still needing time. I would prefer if we could take this slowly, and I would also like to get away with you for a little while. We need time to reconnect and to get to know each other again. But for now? I just want to take a bath with my girlfriend and then get some sleep, I'm exhausted Bo. This whole experience has been exhausting. And dragging up memories of Nadia, it has just made me even more exhausted."

She heard Lauren sigh before continuing. "We've talked about just about everything I can think of, yes there are still some things that we need to talk more about. We need to decide what we both want out of this relationship, what we both need from this relationship. Because I don't want there to be any second guessing, any failed expectations because one of us didn't know what the other was expecting." She heard Lauren pause for a moment. "No… actually you already told me what you want from this relationship. Kids, marriage, the picket fence. And to be honest I'm still reeling from that particular revelation. When I put us on break, I though that you had wanted Dyson… but to find out that it was me this entire time? I'm not sure whether to scream in relief and happiness or worry. Because whether we like it or not Bo, I'm still human."

Bo felt her heart clench at the reminder of Lauren's mortality. Bo took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She felt Lauren reach out to cup her cheek, bringing her own gaze to meet Lauren's. "But for know Bo? Before we decide what to do about my mortality or your longevity, let's just see if we work together as a couple first. I don't want to do anything rash only to find out that despite it all we truly aren't compatible in a relationship, okay? So we can come back to that particular discussion in a year or two okay?" Bo felt Lauren lean over and press a kiss to her lips.

"But I do want you to know that if when the time comes we're still together and still healthy? I will a way for us to remain together. I want you, and to be honest, as well as a little bit selfish, I want to be the person you spend the rest of your life with. So I think our wants and desires for this relationship match. Marriage, kids, the picket fence. I want that to, I want it even more with you." Bo felt herself tearing up again, as they talked about Lauren's mortality, it hurt, to know that Lauren would, could die in only 70 years, hurt. It hurt a lot. But she also couldn't help the small smile that slipped onto her face at the mention of Lauren also wanting marriage and kids, and the picket fence. The fact that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Bo.

She felt Lauren reach over to peck her on the lips, before bringing her thumb up to stroke her cheek gently. Bo sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, it's just thinking about you… about you dying, it hurts. It's a little like my heart is being torn out and stomped on. God, I don't know how I'm going to deal with loosing you and Kenzi. But your right, we need to make sure that we can do a basic healthy relationship before we even begin to thing about the uuhh… 'long term'" Bo said in air quotes.

She heard Lauren chuckle a little. "As for the vacation? I think that would be amazing. We need some time to get away, and to just explore us as a couple and to reconnect. This time we go somewhere you haven't been before, just the two of us. Maybe we can finally go on that date we were always talking about but never seemed to have gotten around to?"

She heard Lauren laugh before leaning down to kiss her on the lips again. "How about we talk about this tomorrow? After we get some sleep? I think we both need to get some rest. I know that I'm emotionally drained after all of this and that right now I just need to hold you right now because I'm still having a hard time believing that any of this is real."

At that Bo leaned over and cupped Lauren's cheeks again, before bringing their lips together in a heated kiss. She felt Lauren's hand come up into her hair and start to tug at it. At the feeling Bo broke the kiss and growled before starting to plant kisses to Lauren's neck.

She could feel Lauren tilting her neck away to give her more access, but she pulled away after planting one last kiss on Lauren's neck. She felt Lauren tugging at her hair again with a slight growl. Bo sighed and leaned up to press a kiss to Lauren's forehead. "Seriously, Lauren. Are you sure I'm the succubus in this relationship? Because it twice now that I've had to stop this." She reached up to tangle her fingers in Lauren's hair again. "This is real. I promise you that this is real. But all this talk of baths has reminded me of one other thing I need to mention."

Tamsin had slipped her mind until this moment. She and Lauren need to talk about her before Lil' T got her memory back and caused more problems because they hadn't talked about it before now. Argh. Why had she not thought to bring it up before now? Stupid. Tamsin, another conversation she would actually have to have with the woman if she ever got her memories back.

"Lauren… about Tamsin."

She heard Lauren sigh before shaking her head. "I already know. She's a newly reincarnated Valkyrie right? No memories of her previous life, including any potential feelings for you." She felt Lauren reach out to cup her cheek. "I'm not worried about her right now, honestly I'm not sure how much I really had to worry about her period. She was never a specter hanging over our relationship the same way Dyson was, although she was the catalyst for my decision to end things." Bo saw Lauren frown. "I don't understand why you kissed her, or why you never told me about it, especially if it meant nothing, or it was just a feed. I'm not worried about her, especially now, you said you choose me, and that you're committed to me." She heard Lauren sigh. "But I get the feeling there are some things that you need to tell me aren't there?"

Bo sighed and nodded. "Tamsin… well she lied to you about who kissed who that day. She was the one who kissed me, but I did respond. I did cheat on you again and for that I cannot apologize enough. But that was actually the second time that we kissed… the first time was when we we're out looking for Kenzi. I had to feed from her that day." She could see tears gathering in Lauren's eyes. Shoot, she had forgotten to specify "No! It wasn't like that. I've never had sex with her. It wasn't a full feed, I just kissed her and drew some Chi."

Bo tilted her head upwards and pressed a kiss to Lauren's forehead. "I promise you, that I have no feelings for Tamsin. Whatever was there was physical attraction, I admire her, and she is one of the bravest people I have ever seen. But I never had feelings for her like the ones I do for you, or the ones that I had for Dyson in the past." Bo sighed and lifted her hand up to run it through Lauren's hair. "But Lauren, she was in love with me. She didn't use those exact words, but she did call me perfect, amongst many other flattering but rather wrong things."

She shifted her gaze slightly to meet Lauren's. Her eyes were bright and shimmering. Bo blinked and chocked back her own tears. "The reason all of the talks of bathing reminded me of it was because that was where she confessed to me. She was drunk at the time and had come to visit, I suggested she get clean the next thing I know she's climbing into the tub with me. She was fully clothed though, and it stayed that way. But then she asked where I got off being so perfect, I responded and told her that I was alright, but that I'm far from perfect. She responded that to her I was perfect. That my eyes are both brown and blue, I'm virtuous and yet I'm also a succubus, that I shouldn't exist, but I do. That's how I knew she was in love with me. I'm sorry." Bo reached out and grabbed one of Lauren's hands, threading their fingers together before squeezing it.

She heard Lauren sigh before she laughed a little sadly. "I knew it. I knew she had feelings for you. And after everything that had happened I had no reason to doubt that you were developing feelings for her to." She could hear Lauren's voice cracking slightly. "When she told me that you had kissed her, I felt my heart shatter all over again. It was the final straw. On top of everything else. You were developing feelings for someone else. I couldn't take it anymore. But I didn't know how far down her feelings for you ran. She was in love with you. I can't say that surprising though."

She felt Lauren squeeze her hand again before she continued. "Honestly, I'm glad that you brought this up now. Despite knowing about Tamsin's feelings you choose me right? You never had feelings for her?"

Bo nodded quickly before she started to talk again. " Yes and No to your questions. And now it would be creepy too. She's more like my little sister then anything at this point then anything else. It's kind of creepy to think about her that way. But Lauren? I promise you that I will talk with her, that I will make it clear that I choose you, and that I want you if/when she gets her memories back. I can't leave that relationship ambiguous, and I don't want to do to her what I did to you and Dyson, stringing her along and getting her hopes up. I already made that mistake before, I've known who I wanted to be with for a while, before Tamsin entered the picture. Now she's just an added complication."

She heard Lauren sigh before she started talking again. "I would count on her getting those memories back Bo. Valkyries usually only suppress what memories are traumatic when they reincarnate, not everything. I doubt to Tamsin that being in love with you was traumatic, unpleasant perhaps, but not traumatic." She saw Lauren leaning in to kiss her again. "For know though let's just go take that bath okay?"

Bo leaned in a kissed Lauren briefly before she squeezed their joined hand again. "I'm in love with you, and only you. I can promise you that much. This is my choice and I'm not backing down from it this time okay? From here on out it's you and me, and Kenzi of course."

She felt Lauren lean over to press a kiss to her cheek before she stood up, tugging gently on there joined hands. "Let's go take that bath and get some sleep okay? I doubt anything else will happen tonight, and I really need to wash away everything that's happened in the past little bit."

Bo stood up and nodded, a moment passed before Lauren began to lead her across the room of the apartment towards her bedroom. Passing through it briefly Bo noticed that much like the living room it was mostly dark colours, deep brown walls, a dark wooden bed-frame, a dark bed spread. The only traces of light colours in the room were on the pillows, which were covered in familiar cream coloured pillow cases.

Bo felt Lauren stop for a moment in front of the bathroom door, smiling at her briefly before gently dragging her inside.

The bathroom was more of the same, dark tilling lining most of it. One thing that stood out was the large bathtub set off to the side, with a shower on the other side of the room. Bo felt Lauren let go off her hand briefly before she walked over to the tub and sat down at the sides, turning the faucets on.

Bo smiled slightly at the feeling she got from watching Lauren reach her hand under the faucet to check the temperature of the water. It all felt so domestic, and yet at the same time unfamiliar. They had never done this before, they had never shared a bath before, several times they had shared a shower, but never a bath before.

It felt strange, good, but still strange. A little surreal if she was honest with herself. Had it only been a few days ago that she had thought that Lauren had turned her down? Had it really only been a few days since they were reunited? It felt like a lifetime ago. Bo's thoughts were interrupted when she felt a hand coming to rest at the hem of her shirt. Bo looked down at Lauren, before pressing another kiss to her lips, a small smile slipping onto her face as she pulled away.

She felt Lauren let go of her a moment later, before she turned around and began to undress. Bo sighed and allowed herself to enjoy the sight of her lover's naked skin being revealed. She could feel herself becoming warm at the sight of Lauren undressing, and she averted her eyes willing herself not to jump Lauren.

Bo quickly began to undress pulling her top off before reaching back to undo her bra, then reaching down to undo her pants and pull them done. Bo could feel eyes on her as she finished undressing; Bo glanced over her shoulder to see Lauren biting her lip, her eyes raking over her body.

"See something you like?" Bo asked in a teasing voice. She could see Lauren nodding, before she reached out to grab Bo by the waist and pull her into a heated kiss. Bo reached out to grab Lauren and pull her close, sighing as skin meet skin. God she had missed this. Bo sighed and pulled back a moment later glancing over at the bathtub.

She gently detangled herself from Lauren and walked over to the tub, sticking her hand under the gushing water. She watched as Lauren walked over the bathroom light and turned the switch, which must have been a dimmer, to lower the lighting. That small change made everything feel so much more intimate, Bo glanced over at Lauren again. Her eyes were sparkling and their was a smile slowly making its way onto her face.

Bo felt herself smiling in return before turning her eyes back to the bathtub, the water level was getting pretty high, they should probably get in soon. Bo sighed before standing up and stepping into the tub, sitting down.

"Could you scoot forward?" She heard Lauren ask gently. Bo was going to argue when she heard Lauren start to talk again. "I just need to hold you this time, I need to feel you in my arms okay? I just need to know that this is real." Bo felt her heart braking at the emotions in Lauren's voice.

"Yeah." Bo said as she scooting forward in the tub, giving Lauren enough room to step in and sit-down. She could feel Lauren getting in a moment later. Legs coming to rest on either side of her own before she felt a slight tugging. Bo allowed herself to be guided to lean back against Lauren, resting her head against her collarbone. She could feel Lauren lifting her arms slightly and leaning forward, causing her to lean forward as well. "Sorry, just need to turn off the taps."

Bo laughed slightly as she felt Lauren lean back again, before she leaned back herself to rest again Lauren's chest. It felt odd, Bo found herself musing, different from the last time she had been in this position, which must have been when her and Dyson were… whatever they were back then. Not odd in a bad way, simply different.

Maybe right was the better word. It felt right. Bo found herself letting out a sigh of contentment. It was quiet, neither of them speaking, but really who could blame them?

She felt Lauren press a kiss to the side of her head before wrapping one of her arms around her. Bo brought her hand to rest against Lauren's on her stomach, holding it there. Bo turned her head slightly to press a kiss to the skin near Lauren's throat, before allowing her head to lull back and rest against her collarbone.

She could feel Lauren's other hand coming up her side before coming to a stop where the necklace rested against her chest. She hadn't bothered to take it off as she'd gotten undressed, wanting to keep it as a reminder of the conversations they'd had, of the conversations that they still needed to have.

She could feel Lauren toy with it for a few moments before she pressed another kiss to the side of her head and allowed the hand to hold her necklace to drift back down. "Forever." She heard Lauren murmur before she heard Lauren sigh and pull her closer to her, if that was possible.

Bo felt one of the hand that was drifting all over her body come up to play with the hair that was resting over her shoulder, before moving up to massage her neck a little. Bo could feel herself murmuring contently, her eyes drifting shut. Her head lolling to the side until it rested against Lauren's neck. Bo nuzzled their slightly, shifting slightly in Lauren's arms to curl more against her.

She felt Lauren move to massaging the back of her neck gently and Bo sighed, bringing her free hand up to grip at the arm that was holding her. She was tired, exhausted even. Just like Lauren had said she was, and what Lauren was doing to her right now was so relaxing. She let out another content murmur.

She could feel Lauren shifting before pressing her lips to her forehead again, tightening the grip she had on her waist. Bo though she heard Lauren murmuring "I love you baby." Into her hair but she couldn't be sure. Bo instead gently squeezed her back, without saying anything. She could feel the rhythmic rising and falling of Lauren's torso against her own and it felt nice. She felt Lauren continue to massage her neck, occasionally moving up or down to massage her scalp, occasionally guiding her head back to rest against Lauren's shoulder and neck.

Bo could feel herself dozing lightly at the soothing attention. She could feel Lauren's massage slowing into wider patterns, more regular, another rhythm. A gentle press of lips to her forehead or the crown of her hair. Whispers of "I love you." Slipping out, sometimes a small whisper of "My girl." She would occasionally move her hand up or down Lauren's arm, tracing patters over it with the water that would splash on them. But that was starting to slow as she drifted off.

Never had she felt so content with anyone like this before. She allowed herself to relax and to let her guard down, there was little point in worrying right now, everything else that they need to talk about they could wait until tomorrow.

For now all she knew was that she would enjoy being in Lauren's arms for the first time, but presumably not the last.


End file.
